Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 10 October 2016

Cookie Monsters

 Shrieks fill the air. There’s a feeling of euphoria coupled brought on by a sugar high. Yes, we know we reused last newsletter’s opening line, but it fit so perfectly with this story, which is that it’s October and that means Halloween! Hordes of little Hobnob goblins will be haunting the streets along with little zombies in pursuit of candy brains. If you need that extra-large bucket of candy so you can do your share of expanding our youth’s waistlines, give us a call, and we can deliver those 10 crates of Snickers and Reese’s Pieces right to you.

 All Spiced Up

As we noted, Halloween is coming, which means Jack-O-Lanterns, and that means pumpkins. And boy, does fall mean pumpkins these days! Brace yourselves, pumpkin spice everything is coming our way! Pumpkins spice lattes, oatmeal, cookies, cakes, pizza…you name it, it’s being pumpkin spiced up! Except our messengers, of course, who come in only their original flavor…fast.

Phenylethyl-what?

Phenylethylamine, that’s what. Phenylethylamine is our new favorite word. What is it? Glad you asked! It’s an organic compound and a trace amine, part of a family of organic compounds known for their psychoactive and stimulant effects. One place where you can get it? Chocolate! No wonder it’s so darn good! Especially when put in a pumpkin spice latte. Dang it! It’s happening already!

  Elevator Talk

 We’re not big fans of Schadenfreude, but get a load of this particular elevator talk! “Did Terry get demoted yet? Ohh my gawd…!” What happened next? Did Terry get run over yet?

Just another scintillating conversation heard by our messengers every day.

Teacher of the Year

 We all know that children need activity. After all, they’re nothing if not bundles of frenetic movement, or they should be, anyway. The modern classroom is far from that, of course, and many schools have cut gym and/or recess. One teacher’s solution? Math teacher Bethany Lambeth in North Carolina put pedals under her pupil’s desks, allowing them to burn off nervous energy during class. The result? Improved attention span and grades. Give the teacher a gold star!

No Interruptions!

 The amount of things vying for our attention these days is legion, and the result is a continual interruption of our flow.  Well, we’re taking a stand! No more devices clamoring for our attention! The social status can wait! We’re determined to…hey look, a chicken…!

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked who the, “mayor of Cold River City” was. Answer: The last verifiable true hermit of the Adirondacks, Noah John Rondeau.

 T-Shirt Question

 They’re everywhere for a couple of months, but what are pumpkins, exactly? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 9 September 2016

Summer’s End

Shrieks fill the air. There’s a feeling of euphoria coupled with an air of despondency and sadness. We’re talking about the start of another school year, of course! Children will lament the passing of summer while ecstatic parents breathe a sigh of relief as the kids get on the bus and out of their hair. If you need supplies picked up for your little scholar, feel free to call us! Our courier/scholars of the road will get it right to you. Sorry kids.

Boarded Up

One of our customers recently called upon us to help promote an upcoming event at Madison Square Garden. In a novel move, they plan to use our couriers as moving billboards. Keep your eyes peeled for them speeding through the streets carrying their message – unless they’re moving too fast to be seen!

Breakaway Aquatic

Our Boston bureau of the newsletter notes that recently a new creature was spotted off Cape Cod. An 8-foot manatee, swimming along to join the seals, sharks, and holiday makers. Breakaway Boston reports that it swam up for an interview to be our first sea-going courier, but lack of opposable thumbs meant it wouldn’t be able to get accurate signatures. Plus, it kept eating their office plants.

  Elevator Talk

As our messenger was unlocking his bike near Tompkins Square Park, three young women approached to use the CitiBikes.

One of them remarked to her friends as she picked a bicycle, “I love not walking!”

Just another scintillating conversation heard by our messengers every day.

Breakaway Theater

 Our top secret entertainment venture is coming soon! We can’t tell you what it is, but we promise it’ll be better than sliced bread! It’s a Silicon Alley Valley Nuclear Production Startup! The friend and family round has been completed and next stop is series A. Kiwi.

 Spanish Salsa

 The Giro d’Italia begins and ends in May. The Tour de France is synonymous with July. But the Spanish just have to be different. This year, the Vuelta a España started on August 20th and will end on September 11th. What’s up with that!? Current leader Nairo Quintana may well pull off the victory, now that Froome isn’t anywhere to be seen. Stay tuned.

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked where Gasoline Alley, the home to a veritable forest of gas stations, in Manhattan used to be. Answer: Gasoline Alley used to be located in Noho, the little triangular area just above Houston off of Lafayette Street. A coffee shop called Gasoline Alley is now all that remains of this once bustling area.

T-Shirt Question

 Breakaway letter writer and editor RM just recently went to the Adirondacks. Who was the, “mayor of Cold River City (population 1)?” The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 8 August 2016

Under the Dome

It’s hot. Really hot. No, seriously, it’s really friggin’ hot. We’ve been living under a heat dome lately, with multiple days over ninety degrees. Only one thing to do: Pack up your summer things and head out of town!  The Hamptons, the Jersey Shore, Connecticut; wherever you’re going to try to cool off, Breakaway can schlep your things for you, big or small.

Gassing Up

They’re dwindling like an endangered species that’s actively being hunted into oblivion, which, in a way, they sort of are. Gas stations in New York City are disappearing at rapid pace, as the land that they sit on is a goldmine worth millions more than what a fill-‘er-up can earn in a hundred years. As of this writing there are only 50 gas stations in all of Manhattan. Where to go when you’re running on fumes? 

Pre-Scheduling

In this day and app-crazy age, many people think the courier and his humble bicycle are passé. “Who needs a courier? I’ve got SnapChat!” Well, not so fast! Did you know you can pre-schedule a courier to show up, any time, any place? Look under pre-scheduling in Boston or scheduled delivery services in New York City for information.

 Elevator Talk

  Him: “I ate 3 donuts for breakfast and 5 slices of pizza for dinner.”

  Her: “Oh my gaawwd! What’s wrong with you?!”

Just another scintillating conversation heard by our messengers every day.

Breakaway R&D

 As we’ve already mentioned, it’s hot out. Soon, human beings aren’t going to be able to cope with the heat anymore. Well, we at Breakaway are on to the next iteration of messenger: Robodog! Rover, the first robotic dog is already in testing, having passed the job interview. Soon he’ll be ready to roll…er…trot out the door, once we work out a few kinks. Even though he’s robotic, he still wants to chase cars, leading to low battery. Strange.

 Le Tour Winner

Congratulations to Chris Froome, of Great Britain, for winning the 2016 Tour de France. Nairobi-born Froome becomes the UK’s first ever three-peat Tour de France champion, with a dominating performance by his team, Team Sky. Will he be able to pull a fourth victory? Stay tuned in 2017.

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked origin of the term “pound sterling.” Answer: pennies were minted off of one pound of silver, and the silver pennies were referred to as “steorra,” Old English for “star,” with the diminutive “-ling” added to mean “little star.” Hence, pound sterling.

T-Shirt Question

Where was Gasoline Alley? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 7 July 2016

Happy Fourth 

Summer is here, having started on June 21st, but the colorful confirmation of summer is but days away, appearing as streaks in the night sky and great thundering explosions as we celebrate our independence. We wish all of our customers a happy and safe Fourth of July, and if you need any supplies (other than a crate of M80s), don’t hesitate to call us to deliver. 

Civilized Commuting  

Our colleagues in Boston are being treated to an expansion of the Park and Pedal program. “What is that,” you ask? Simply put, the city of Boston is hosting a bunch of locations where Bostonians can park their cars for free, and then bicycle the rest of the way to work. One lot offers access to a bike path along the Charles River to Cambridge and downtown Boston. You might even be able to ride alongside one of our Breakaway Boston couriers. 

Keeping Cool 

We’ve said over and over in this space that climate change is making everything hotter for all of us. Fortunately, our messengers are made of tough stuff. But, if you need to send something and keep it cool, then call us for our refrigerated trucks. They keep anything cool, from the biggest steaks to the smallest bottles. All serviced by our crack staff of penguins and polar elves that are moonlighting from Santa for the summer. 

The Outer Limits 

Speaking of tough stuff, everyone knows our couriers ride Manhattan all day, but did you know they can pick up and drop in certain parts Brooklyn as well? And for less than $25? Check our website for Brooklyn bicycle zones, and give us a call. Our guys love going over the bridge. For an extra charge, they’ll run over a hipster or two.

Pulling a Runner 

As of this writing, our friends across the Pond in the UK have voted to leave the European Union, after more than 43 years in. What this means for the UK and for the USA is unclear at this point, but here’s hoping the effects won’t be disastrous. One thing that we know it means for sure; the pound sterling is a lot cheaper. Fancy a cuppa? 

Le Tour 

July is here, and that always means Tour de France. Yellow jersey fever will have gripped us here in the Breakaway HQ, but this year is going to be a little sad, as there are no really strong American competitors of note. Look for Nairo Quintana, a Colombian who rides for Spanish team Movistar, to try and heat things up on the climbs this year. 

Stump the Band 

Last month we asked why the Empire State Building was lit up blue and white in May. Answer: To celebrate the graduation of Columbia students, Columbia’s 262nd commencement. 

T-Shirt Question 

The pound sterling took a beating on the result of the Brexit referendum, which got us to wondering: Why is it called the pound sterling? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 6 June 2016

Dad Day of Summer

 Mom had her fun, now it’s the other parent’s turn! June 19th is Father’s Day, and we wish all our paternal customers out there a happy, healthy Father’s Day. If you’re sending dad that hibachi he’s always wanted, or something equally special, Breakaway can deliver it for you. If it’s yet another strange tie, you’re on your own. 

Clean Getaways 

Of course, now that summer is here, it’s time to plan that getaway to the Hamptons, or the Jersey Shore, or wherever your favorite summer hideaway might be. Whatever your location, we’ll schlepp your stuff.   Send us your beach chairs, your surf boards, your burgers yearning to be fried! Our couriers can deliver to your favorite spot on the dot. 

Electric Boogie 

We don’t normally compliment our competitors/colleagues in the delivery business, but hats off to DHL for having the first electric vans to be used in delivery, something we’ve long wanted to do. Dubbed “climate-friendly” vehicles, each one is $50,000 with a tax credit. That’s a lot of carbon, so we’re building our own electric van. We’re just looking for a looooong extension cord. 

This Just In 

We’re mailin’, sailin’, and wailin’. Better than failin’ flailin’ and bailin’! 

Ship Accelerator 

Breakaway’s mobile app, from Hypership, is getting a boost. You can use it to summon a courier for delivery from anywhere and everywhere. Be sure to check the app store for the upgrade – now with latte!  (okay, we’re making that bit up)..

Crit Criminy! 

Speaking of Father’s Day, June 19th is also the day for another yearly event: the Harlem Skyscraper Criterium. Held every year at Marcus Garvey Park in NYC, this has an entry level group for average folk, as well as a 20 lap race for the super fit dads (and moms) of the cycling community. See you there! 

Barking in Dog Days 

Summer is here (or shortly will be; the solstice is on the 20th) and it’s already really hot. That’s not going to get better anytime soon (at least not until we get that long extension cord to lower our carbon emissions). But what we can do is deliver you all the accouterment of summer: your AC, your sunglasses, your sunscreen. Order it, have us deliver it, and you’ll be as cool as the proverbial cucumber. 

Stump the Band 

Last month we asked where the first automated fare collection (AFC) system was implemented. Answer: The first AFC or automated fare collection systems were installed in 1964 at the Kew Gardens and Forest Hills LIRR stations as an experiment. 

T-Shirt Question 

For what notable event was the Empire State building lit up in blue and white last month? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 5 May 2016

Oh, Mother!

For all the skinned knees she put a Band-Aid on, all the boo-boos she kissed, all the long nights she stayed up doing homework with you, every time she cooked a favorite meal, don’t you think Mom deserves something nice on Mother’s Day? Call Breakaway and we can have that special something delivered to Mom faster than she was able to embarrass you in front of all your teenage friends.

Positivity

Are you having the time of your life? Well, maybe you should! How? Perhaps just by saying that you are. Studies show that a positive attitude does indeed help bring one more ease of mind, more contentment, and, dare we say it, happiness. So, the next time someone asks how you’re doing, repeat after us, “I’m having the time of my life!” We’ll meet you at the bar afterward.

Grand Tour Kickoff

One of the big events of the cycling calendar starts on May 6th, with the Grande Partenza of the 99th edition of the Giro d’Italia set to start in, of all places, Apeldoorn, the Netherlands. How you get from the Netherlands to Italy by bicycle is beyond us, but hey, we just watch the darn thing, not plan it. Good luck to all the racers and teams!

 Un-Fare

From our colleagues in Boston comes this bit of news: the Boston area “T” transit is losing up to $42 million a year due to fare evaders. Officials are mulling over what exactly to do about it. Our suggestion: deputize angry riders armed with whiffle bats. However, you can always rest assured that our couriers always pay their fare. Or they would, if they weren’t so darned fast on their bicycles.

About Time!

 For spring, that is! Finally, we’re starting to have a spate of actual, consecutive spring weather, and not some hybrid climate change monster that runs warm then cold, then damp then hot again. No wonder all our friends are sick. Stupid global warming!

 Memorable Days

 Memorial Day is Monday, May 30th, so the big weekend is just around the corner.  To all our one percenters: it’s summer season in the Hamptons! Allow us to move the champagne! Oh, and if you’re in the rest of the percentage and you’re renting a shack out there with 20 of your closest friends, we’ve also got you covered!

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked what the word “drayage” is derived from. Answer: Drayage is derived from the dray, a type of open side less cart drawn by a dray horse.

T-Shirt Question

Fare increases increasingly up the price of Metrocards and other, similar automated fare collection systems. When was the first such system introduced in the U.S.? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 4 April 2016

Fools of April

Watch out. It’s here. It’s the bucket of water teetering on the edge of the door you’re about to open, or the whoopee cushion lying in wait for you to be seated.  We at Breakaway want to wish everyone out there a safe and prank-free April Fools’ Day! Or, if you’re the perpetrator, then good luck and get ready to run for it!

Drone Works

They’ve been predicting it for a while, and now it’s finally happened. The world’s first fully autonomous urban drone delivery has been successfully pulled off. It happened in Hawthorne, Nevada, just southeast of Reno. Well, bully for them, but we still like our flesh and blood messengers. For one thing, they have more personality. You can’t have a drink with a drone. Unless it’s Uncle Stan. That guy can go on and on…

Don’t Be Lax on Tax

April is here, and that means you need to file your taxes before the deadline. Nowadays, many file electronically, taking the drama out of the filing deadline, but that’s no reason to be lax about it, even if we do have until the 18th this year.  Many people and businesses still rely on paper and envelopes, and if that’s the case, you'll need to Breakaway to get everything to and from your accountant faster than you can say “deduction!”

 Sweat Equity

How much can one Breakaway driver do in a full day of work? We put a Fitbit on a driver to find out, and here are the results: Seven miles of walking (despite delivering by vehicle), with a total of 17, 267 steps, 3297 calories burned and a low/high heart rate of 72/114, respectively. Stay tuned for more vital stats from our couriers.

Tis the Season…

 …for cycling! It’s spring, and that means the cycling season in Europe is on! And now, in the post-Lance era, that also means the accusations of cheating are on as well. Already, at Milan-San Remo, a race so closely identified with the season that it’s called La Primavera, the winner was accused of getting a tow to help him win. Ah, spring. When the wheels and invective start flying.

Tri-State  

You all know that we have vehicles.  But do you know how far they go?  We service the entire tristate area - and beyond. Our drivers aren’t just local; they’ll take loads out of state and into Connecticut or New Jersey, way out to the Hamptons or up to Albany. Give our trucking department a call to find out how many extra miles we’ll go for you.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked what grape variety was first cultivated in Chile. Answer: vitis vinifera. Chile is now the fifth largest wine producer worldwide.

 T-Shirt Question

 Words evolve and change over time, making them really cool. Drayage, for instance, refers to the transport of goods over a short distance, as part of a longer delivery. But from what is the term derived? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 3 March 2016

March Gladness

Happy Holidays! Yes, we know, it isn’t Christmas or even close, but March is also holiday-laden. They kick off with the wearing of the green for St. Patrick’s Day on the 17th, and then Purim begins on the 23rd and ends on the 24th.  Then we swing right into Good Friday (the 25th) and finally end on Easter on the 27th. Breakaway wishes all our devout followers a happy March holiday season, whatever you celebrate! 

Don’t Be Late

Spring is here, and you know what that means: It’s time to set the clocks forward and lose an hour of sleep. Daylight savings time begins on Sunday, March 13th, at 2:00am. That means you’ll have an extra hour of daylight for all those March holidays coming up!

Don’t Be Late, II

No, we’re not repeating ourselves, despite the title of this item. But, as many of our customers are aware, March 15th is the corporate tax deadline. So if you need tax documents shipped really fast between you and your accountant, we have the speedy cyclists for the job.   They’re never late.

 Truck It

Have you got stuff? Do you have big stuff? No, we mean really big stuff that needs to get somewhere, and in a hurry? Well, we’re here for you! We have some big trucks and even lift-gate vehicles ready to tackle whatever you can throw at it. Unless it’s a nuke. Then we don’t want it.

Vintage Whine

 Although the cycling season is only just starting, it’s not too early to start thinking of the Tour. Especially when there are already hilarious stories going around.  To wit: French wine makers in the Langeudoc region are threatening to blockade the road when the Tour passes through. Why? Because the Tour this year is being sponsored by – of all things – a Chilean wine. As you might imagine, Gallic pride is on the line.

Super Leap Year

2016 is a leap year, with an extra day added in February. Here at Breakaway, we’ve decided to add it to March, giving it an extra day. Why? Because Super Tuesday is so massive, we figured it could use an extra day. Now you have no excuse! Get out and vote! Somewhere!

Stump the Band

Last month we asked who was the first to calculate the earth’s circumference. Answer: Eratosthenes, using the angles of shadows cast by obelisks at Aswan and Alexandria.

 T-Shirt Question

The Chileans may have the French in a lather over wine, but what grape variety was first cultivated in Chile? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 2 February 2016

Hearts Afire

 You see her. Or him. Your pulse races. Your mouth turns dry. You sweat in uncomfortable spots. But enough about the traffic brownie about to give you a parking ticket. February is here, and that means love is in the air! Be sure to use Breakaway to speed that special Valentine’s Day gift to that special someone on this special day.

Groucho

 We at Breakaway get out of the wrong side of bed on occasion. So, what do you do to help that? Solutions that work for us: hydration. Coffee. Hydration then coffee. Crushing our business opponents then some coffee after re-hydrating. Simple, right?

Snowfall Snafu

This latest round of Snowmageddon was quite dramatic, with near-record snowfall. Almost as dramatic is the speed of the post-snowfall melt. Merely a day out from the blizzard and temperatures have been above freezing, even in the forties, melting the snow with unprecedented alacrity. Global warming brings the extreme snow, and then clears it. Global warming bringeth, and then global warming taketh away.

    A Word of Thanks

Speaking of Blizzard 2016, a special thanks to the couriers who came out and gutted it out during the big snow. Our guys are the best, and will get it there no matter the conditions.

 Astronomy Domino

 For the first time since 2005, five planets of the solar system will rise at the same time, with the moon sweeping past each of them in turn during its orbit. That’s more fun than watching a presidential debate!

   Uphill Struggle

 We’ve been highly amused recently by the recent Twitter spat going on between Neil   deGrasse Tyson and rapper B.o.B. over whether the earth is flat or not. Yes, apparently there are people out there who really believe that. You can tell they were never couriers. No one who ever rode up 10th Ave from 55th to 57th street would ever say that the earth was flat. That’s a seriously steep hill!

Hyper for Shipping

 We know that you are very very careful about planning your day, and that comes right down to your deliveries also. You plan your packages and you get them out, but sometimes, there are unforeseen moments. That’s why there’s a Breakaway app fromHyperShip. Our app allows you to set up deliveries while on the go. Just remember; despite the name, HyperShip can’t bring you to into space. Nor does it have phasers.

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked which calendar has the least amount of years, i.e. is youngest. Answer: North Korea’s Juche calendar, which is only 104 years old.

 T-Shirt Question

 That the earth is round has been known since ancient times but who was the first to calculate the earth’s circumference? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 1 January 2016

Happy New Year

The holidays are finally over. The year has come to a close. But that also means it’s a new beginning! We want to wish all of our customers a happy, healthy (even if slightly hung over) and prosperous New Year! As always, we’re ready to serve you in 2016 with all your delivery needs.  

Defused Enthuse 

Now that all the holidays are out of the way, what do you do to generate enthusiasm when you have none? After all, it takes a lot of energy to get geared up during the post-holiday letdown. Our answer: lots of coffee. 

Hovering Heights 

Retailers are selling them like hot cakes, people are buying them in droves, and legislation says they’re illegal in the city. It’s the hoverboard, the smaller successor to the Segway that failed to revolutionize transport. The hoverboard may deliver where the Segway failed, but first it has to become street legal (legislation on that is already pending) and second it has to not catch on fire (battery issues). Having tried one, we conclude that no one over the age of ten should be on one. 

 Drop Out, Drop In 

One item that doesn’t have to worry about catching fire is the Pataki campaign; he has officially suspending his bid for the Presidency. Not to worry however. Our former governor is safe to return to his normal stint as one of our on-demand couriers. 

Acronym Acrimony 

Some people and companies love acronyms. Often useful, some folks take it to an extreme, rendering them unhelpful. Or, as we like to say ATACU: Acronyms That Are Completely Useless. 

Warm Winter Wonder 

Thank you, El Nino, for a tropically warm, get-out-the-Hawaiian-shirt type Christmas. We always wondered what Christmas would be like in Miami, so thanks for bringing Miami to us. Oh, and thanks for also bringing all the mosquitos, gnats, and fruit flies. It was awesome, really. 

Sorting, Sortation 

We hold ourselves in high esteem for being fairly erudite and for having a modicum of loquacity for using obscure and recherché participles, parts of vocalizing and of vocabulary. So, imagine our amazement and astonishment when we were confronted with the infinitesimally miniscule chance that a word was unknown to us. “Sortation” is actually a word that we hadn’t heretofore had any truck with, but we are now forced to, as a customer uses it with great repetitiveness. Jeepers. 

Stump the Band 

Last month we asked which relative of Al Einstein’s also had a PhD. Answer: His sister, Maja Einstein, with PhDs in Romance language and literature. 

T-Shirt Question 

We in the West use the Gregorian version, but there are many other calendars. Which has the least amount of years? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.