Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 4 April 2015

April News

Breakaway Courier has been bought. A large global leader in delivery services has bought the company and has brought us into their fold. We will now only be delivering fresh fish and select cuts of meat, as per our new company’s business plan. Oh, and April Fools!! You can, of course, still call us with whatever delivery you have. We just couldn’t resist.

April Holidays

This April, Passover starts on the evening of April 3rd, while Easter falls on April 5th. We want to wish a Happy Passover and Happy Easter to all our clients observing these important holidays.

Tax Man Cometh

We urged you to get it done early last month, but if you haven’t, remember that the tax deadline is April 15 - and that’s not too far away! Call your accountant, get your papers together, and call Breakaway to have us deliver them all on time!

 For Safety’s Sake

The news that San Francisco 49er Chris Borland is leaving the NFL at the age of 24 has jolted many in the football world. His concerns over chronic traumatic encephalopathy eventually convinced him to do the right thing and start working for Breakaway. He has opted for the cargo bicycle, as our other former NFL stars have, because it’s more challenging to his strength and size. Good luck out there, Chris!

Order! Order! 

Aside from online bill paying, you can also order your delivery online. It’s fast, easy, and gives you another excuse to sit in front of the computer, other than playing Minecraft. Give it a try. Our messengers are more appealing than online Legos, anyway.

Home on the Range

Tesla’s Elon Musk has said that all Tesla Model S electric cars will receive an over-the-air software update to alleviate “range anxiety.” First, you had cell range anxiety, now it’s your car. Of course, our messengers have unlimited range. So long as there’s a Chipotle or pizza joint nearby, they can keep going and going and going…

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked the name of the woman who ran a speakeasy on West 54 Street and was among the first female emcees. Answer: Mary Louise Cecilia “Texas” Guinan.

 T-Shirt Question

 Called the “Queen of the Classics” and the “Hell of the North,” Paris-Roubaix is a monument in the cycling calendar. In what unique venue does this hellish race end? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.