Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 11 November 2013

Thanks!

Tradition is coming once again, in the form of a giant roasted bird, candied yams, mounds of stuffing, and tons of veggies. It's Thanksgiving, so we'd like to say thank you to all the loyal customers who have made Breakaway the company it is today. Thank you. Now, pass that drumstick, will ya?

  PO Box

Normally, we're very reserved and humble when writing the Newsletter. But, the matter of the P.O. Box closing is a bit urgent. So, here goes: FER GOSSAKES STOP SENDING MAIL TO THE PO BOX!! THE FATE OF HUMANITY DEPENDS ON IT!! IF YOU SEND MAIL TO THE PO BOX, APOCALYPTIC UPHEAVALS WILL OCCUR!! THE SKY WILL TURN PURPLE!! WE'LL GET A NASTY HANGNAIL!! SEND ALL REMITTANCES TO OUR STREET ADDRESS OR WE'LL ALL DIE!!! Thank you for your cooperation. 

 GPS OMG

 We pride ourselves on being at the cutting edge at Breakaway. Which is why we're giving you something to obsessively click over besides Facebook. By the end of the year, all of our messengers will be GPS trackable. You will be able to see the progress of your order online in real time. Stay tuned for details.

 Smart Signatures

 We're also almost ready with our smart phone signature roll-out. Soon, all Proofs of Delivery will be captured electronically. This would have happened sooner, had we known the difference between a programmer and an iPhone programmer. The latter was brilliant, smelled like pumpkin spice, had a voice like a harpsichord, and made everything immeasurably better through mere touch. The former worked on the Obamacare website roll-out. Need we say more?

Awesome Article

When writing the newsletter, oftentimes we're forced to embargo articles because of lack of space, or because there are more urgent issues we need to get out. Usually, we just save embargoed ideas until next time, and we had a really great one ready to go this month. It was brilliant, but we can't remember what it was. Take our word for it, though. It was hilarious.

Pumpkin Allspice

Ahh, the fall season, when the smell of pumpkin spice wafts from the bakery. And the Starbucks. And the local coffee shop. And the Whole Foods. And the flower shop. And the pharmacy. And the gas station. Enough with the pumpkin spice already! We get it, it's delicious, but really, this is overkill! After all that, how is anyone supposed to enjoy our pumpkin spiced messengers?

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked you to name the architect and designer of the George Washington Bridge. Answer:  Othmar Amman was chief engineer, and Cass Gilbert was the architect.

 T-Shirt Question

Sleepy Hollow has been transformed from a legend into a hit television show by Fox. Both the short story and the TV show feature Ichabod Crane as the main character. What is the origin of the name, “Ichabod? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.