Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 11 November 2010

Whoops!  

Sharp eyed readers might have noticed that last month, we printed the answer to the trivia question right under the trivia question. Well, these things happen. Really, we just wanted to see if you were awake and on the ball. Yeah, that’s it, yeah…

Oven Stuffer   

November is here, and that means it’s that time of year when we commence stuffing ourselves silly (starting with Halloween’s candy). We want to wish all our customers a happy, safe, and pants-tightening holiday. Remember, if you have a last-minute emergency need for an extra can of cranberry sauce, we’ve got you smothered…er…covered.

Transparency

Fee, fi, faux world. It’s hard to believe anything these days, whether that be a politician or even your own eyes. Photoshop has become as much a verb as a noun, and CGI makes even film suspicious. Meanwhile, newspeak has crept into our national dialog, while propagandists pose as actual journalists. The only thing left to believe is that the Breakaway courier at your door, is actually taking your package, and will really get it there. We are real.

Overheard

Twenty-something #1: “I loved him, and we’re still friends, but something was missing, and we were moving in different directions.”

Twenty-something #2: Yeah, I know what you mean. Adam and I are still friends, but something was missing.”

Yet another true conversation heard by our messengers on the street every day.

Stow It, Willya?

It’s getting more popular, and we couldn’t be more proud. We’re talking about our warehousing and logistics service. We’ll take in your pallets, store your deliverables, and distribute them around the city by messenger, vehicle, and transporter beam. The last one still has kinks, though, so for now, stick with the first two options.

Phony Phone System

We doubt anyone noticed (how would one?) but we have a new phone system in place, that’s allowed us more flexibility than ever before. We can now take calls virtually from anywhere. For instance, we took all of last week’s calls while at the craps table in St. Tropez. So, call us for a run already, so we can justify this new-fangled system!

Stump the Band

Last month we wanted to know what the black and orange colors of Halloween signified. Obviously, we knew what they signified because we gave you the answer! As a result, we’ve fired W as our intern editor, and are sending him back to Texas.

T-Shirt Question

What infamous person ran in, and won, the Boston and New York marathons, only to be disqualified from both? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 10 October 2010

Halloween  

Here’s hoping all of our customers, and their children, have a spooky and ghoulish Halloween this year. Our army of zombie messengers will deliver your dead flowers in as ghastly a manner possible, and can even bring you that extra gigantic box of candy for all the little creepies that will trick-or-treat your neighborhood. Boo!

The New Porsche  

Once again, Breakaway has been waaaaayyyy ahead of the trend. Need evidence? The New York Post reported recently that guys in their early forties aren’t dating supermodels and buying Porsches anymore. They’re buying expensive racing bikes to impress their wives. In many cases, the racing rigs have saved both marriages and waistlines. Heck, we could’ve told them that.

Fitness Equation

Alarmingly, the divide in this country between those who are fit and those who aren’t is widening precipitously. This can be expressed with the following equation:

Ph+it²/Ph+at² x BiKE/PedRev = (PH)it * (PH)at = it/at

                                  Spin * 4

(it/at)² = ia (intelligence artificial).

See? These things are understood better using quadratic equations.

Logical Logistics

It is a big thing and we rock at it. We mean, of course, logistics. We can store skids-worth of your materials on site, and help to distribute them around the city when the time comes, either via lift-gate or bicycle messenger, saving you time, space, and money. Logically, it makes the most business and money sense. Our team of Vulcans in logistics are the best. Klingons need not apply.

Leaf Peeping

We love fall. The air turns crisp, the soggy, dog-day heat is gone, and best of all, the leaves catch fire. There’s nothing better than riding along (insert city appropriate path here) and enjoying the leaves turning color.

Streets to Suites

There was a time when being a bicycle messenger was the Job of Last Resort. You were down and out, you owed your buddies money, whatever, you had two choices: crime or messenger. Not so anymore. People move here from plush backgrounds in other states specifically to ride for Breakaway as a messenger. We’ve arrived, as they say. Now call us for a delivery, and help us give these kids something to do!

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked what sparked the most violent riots on the White House grounds in U.S. history? Answer: President John Tyler vetoes the creation of the Second Bank of the United States, sparking Whig riots.

 T-Shirt Question

 What is the significance of the colors orange and black for Halloween? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt. (Orange = harvest, black = death)

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 9 September 2010

Back To School  

Times are tough, no doubt about it. Used to be, all you needed to bring to school were a notebook, and an apple for the teacher. Now, all you need is an "Apple notebook", and a whole slew of cleaning supplies so your child won’t bring home germs. However many supplies you need for your child, Breakaway can deliver them either by bicycle or lift-gate truck. How do you like them apples?! Oh, and if you need the lift-gate, try the next PTA meeting.

Fashion Wink 

September is here, and that means Fashion Week. Many of the biggest designer names unveil their spring collection in the early fall. This year marks a break with tradition, as Fashion Week will be moving from its traditional home at Bryant Park for Damrosch Park at Lincoln Center. Need a piece of fashion in a hurry? Our messenger will deliver it. Tastefully accoutered, with shaved legs, mauve bike shorts and polished body modifications, of course.

What’s In a Name?

We’ve had it. We’re done, through, and so over it! We’re talking about the new standard of addressing people by their first initial, and then a supercilious shortening of their family name. We’ve gone from admiring Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Wolf Mo for instance) to gossiping emptily about J Lo, LiLo, J Woww, A-Rod, K-Rod, and NimRod. We at Breakaway are taking a stand, right behind our leader RK, office manager AY and… uh, never mind.

The Big Scoop

It isn’t the most glamorous scoop, but one of our messengers was interviewed by Anderson Cooper recently, for a piece that will air on CNN (360?). Don’t know why they haven’t come sooner, as everyone knows Breakaway couriers are the most articulate and erudite, period.

City as Test Bed

Kudos to Breakaway mechanic and bicycle whisperer James Lao, who managed to fix our custom-built cargo bike frames with steel plate, some aircraft quality epoxy, twine and some strategically placed bubblegum. In all seriousness, the manufacturer in Montana called us to express their gratitude that we tested them to failure, saying that it would provide valuable data. After all, what do Montanans know about pot-holes?

Blech! This is Coffee?!

We went to Italy recently for vacation, for our own little Eat, Pray, Love, although in our case, it was simply Eat. One thing stood out to our addicted palates: the coffee was phenomenal! The coffee at Starbucks tasted burnt by comparison. So much so, that we swore Charbucks off. That lasted for all of about a week. We’re back on the sauce already.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked which Boston-born astronaut was the last of the Apollo era astronauts on active flight duty to retire. Answer: Story Musgrave.

T-Shirt Question

What sparked the most violent riots on the White House grounds in U.S. history? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt. 

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 7 July 2010

Happy Fourth  

Oh well, we thought the U.S.A. would get through the round of sixteen in the World Cup. Nonetheless this Fourth of July portends to be particularly patriotic. Have you got a Fourth of July/World Cup barbecue coming up? Heck, invite us! Or at least, don’t forget to use our services if you need extra barbecue sauce and fixings. Just remember: don’t put the Roman candles on the Barbie.

High Heel Hijinks  

Here’s an interesting case: We’ve been riding around, minding our own business and we’ve noticed high heel shoes strewn around the city. One shoe on the bicycle path, a pair on the GWB, and another in an elevator. Speculation runs rampant, but we’re thinking Carrie is in town and learning how to bicycle.

Don’t Forget…

…that we have trucks, and we do lots of trucking. Strangely, even though we’ve been doing trucking for 22 years, many of our devoted customers still think of us as only a bicycle messenger company. Please call us and avail yourself of our resources. From one ounce to 100,000 pounds, we can move it. 

And…

…we do storage, warehousing, logistics and fullfillment. Need 1000 bags stuffed for a trade show? We’ll do it and deliver the bags to the venue. Need five pallets of promotional items stored for three months? We have a warehouse in midtown Manhattan.  Need your cat shipped to Santa Monica, California? We’ve done it and moved other living creatures. Give us a call on our sales line for details.

Purchase the Dragon

As many people know, haggling is one of the key activities when shopping in Chinatown. So, we were feeling pretty good when we shopped for a paper dragon, and haggled them down from $20 to $15. Imagine our chagrin when we rounded the corner, and saw another store offering the same paper dragon for a mere $5.95!  Well, what do we know? We deliver the items, instead of purchasing them. Next stop for us: 3-card monty on Times Square at midnight.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked what a Hero engine was. Answer: It’s a steam-powered engine which spins when heated. The device is also sometimes called an aeolipile, and was invented by Hero of Alexandria, hence the name Hero engine.

T-Shirt Question

Soccer (or football for everyone else) is extremely demanding, but at least one player was able to moonlight. Who is the only sportsman to have competed in World Cup football, as well as in a world cup of another sport? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 6 June 2010

Father’s Day

For all those times Dad helped you with your homework, threw a football (or baseball, or basketball) with you, or came to see your school play or ballet recital, we remind you that Father’s Day is June 20^th this year. Breakaway stands ready to rush that gift to him, whether it’s a tie (bike courier) or new couch (lift-gate truck).

Green, Not Mean

Something extraordinary has happened to the sidewalks outside the Breakaway compound: the city has planted trees! Rather than shades of grey, we now have some lovely, green oxygenators to look at out there. Finally, something other than people, rodents, and roaches living on this block!

Getting Bigger

No, not the national deficit; our warehouse! We’ve expanded our warehousing capabilities, so now we have even more space with which to store your stuff. Big or small, flat or polygonal, we’ve got a shelf space that has your name on it.

Summer Season

Summer is almost here, and that means trips out to the Hamptons, or the beach, or to somewhere. For those times when you’ve got summer equipment that needs moving somewhere, we have the lift-gate trucks that can get them there. So, if your grill needs to get there, or your kayak needs a lift to the water’s edge, don’t forget to give us a call.

Elevator Talk

First Gentleman: “It’s still being evaluated.”

Second Gentleman: “I gave them everything they needed! What more can I do?!”

Yet another titillating conversation heard everyday by our messengers.

Hole in One

Is this lucky or unlucky? Our courier, MG, was on a date Friday night. As they cycle along 6^th street, he swerves to avoid a car door. Unfortunately, there’s oil on the road. His bike slides out. He does an urban version of slip-n-slide along the street, straight into a open manhole, where he is greeted by scalding steam. Miraculously MG survived to tell the story. Lucky to be alive, MG is currently in hospital. Get well soon, MG!

Summer Stock

Congratulations to Breakaway's VP of Sales and resident thespian Terrance McCrossan. M583 is co-starring in the new production of Equus by Peter Shaffer starring Alec Baldwin. The run is from June 8th through July 3rd at Guild Hall, East Hampton. Tickets are available at guildhall.org. Breakaway a leg Terrance!

Stump the Band

Last month we asked you in what hospital was JFK born. Answer, he was born at home:  83 Beals St, Brookline, Massachusetts.

T-Shirt Question

What is a Hero engine, and who invented it? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 5 May 2010

Memorial Day

This year, Memorial Day will be on Monday, May 31, 2010. Breakaway will be closed in honor of our brave soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country.  Let’s not forget it’s also the beginning of the summer season. We are ready to take your entire summer wardrobe and other accoutrements to all beaches and summer homes within a 200-mile radius of Boston and New York.  Call us for details.

Rice on Chicken?

That is correct. We knew the sign wasn’t quite right but that’s typical for our “hood” Isn’t it chicken on rice? Since when does the rice go on top of the chicken? Only on 8^th Ave. between 34^th and 42^nd where we saw the preposterous sidewalk sign. We work in an area known for its “unique” cuisine. It’s all under $10.00 including the morning sopa with a little 8^th Ave grit, not grits.

Storage on Demand

We were happy to accommodate a customer’s need to store 75 cartons for two weeks. Their client, from Texas, thought it would be just dandy to ship 75 cartons to a one-bedroom apartment. Come on Tex,  we’re not living on three acres up here. Enter Breakaway to the rescue! Tex sent the cartons straight to our midtown warehouse. We stored the boxes for an upcoming trade show. Our customer was thoroughly grateful to have a BIG problem solved. So was Buster the Cat.

CJ’s

We have started a new genre of media jockey. Not disc jockey or video jockey but Cycling Jockey. Visit our web site with a growing catalog of cityscapes by bicycle by our own in-house “CJ’s: All CJ’s have their own style and peculiarities.

Flowers for Mom

Children of all ages, operators are standing by for your last minute orders for your Mother. Mother’s Day is right around the corner on Sunday May 9^th. If not flowers, we can deliver whatever you wish. We are open on Saturday and Sunday. See our hours below.

Standing Orders

Tired of calling everyday with the same delivery order? Or worse yet, forgetting to call? We have a solution. If you have a regular delivery that happens daily, weekly, bi-weekly or monthly, we can put it into our queue of scheduled pickups. Your order will automatically pop up on our dispatch screen at the appropriate time and the courier will appear like magic. Call us to set it up.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked:  Who was the first American born sumo wrestler to break into the top tier makuuchi division of Japanese sumo? Answer: Henry Armstrong Miller, who wrestled as a Japanese rikishi under the name of Sentoryu in July of 1988.

T-Shirt Question

President John F. Kennedy was born in May. What is the name of the hospital in which he was born?  The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win one of our coveted Breakaway T-Shirts. (supplies recently replenished)

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 4 April 2010

Ides of April  

It’s April, and we all know that means that the IRS is calling. Of course with all the things that we do in our lives, most of us leave it to the last minute. If you’re one of these people, worry not.  Since most forms are sent electronically these days, we will happily deliver your favorite libations to either celebrate(read: refund) or comiserate(you owe, so off to work you go)

Sumo Basho   

And now for something completely different. The Osaka Spring Grand Sumo competition has ended with  Yokozuna (Grand Champion) Hakuho winning with a clean 15-0 record. He did have some strong competition from Sekiwaki-ranked Baruto, who finished 14-1. Funny thing: Neither of them are Japanese; Hakuho is Mongolian and Baruto is from Estonia, respectively. The basho is tons of fun. Given the wrestlers body-types, we mean that literally!

Earth Day

Where would we be without mother? No, not your mom; Mother Earth! Well, now you can celebrate all that she’s done for you on April 22^nd, which is Earth Day. Not just any Earth Day, mind you, but the 40^th anniversary of the annual call to conserve. Check out www.earthday.org to see how you can help make an ecological difference.

Brooklyn by Bicycle

In honor of Earth Day, it is worth noting that we are the only NYC courier service that has extended its bicycle delivery footprint beyond Manhattan. We now do small package deliveries, to Brooklyn and Queens via bicycle. For details, please visit our web page on this:

breakawaycourier.com/brooklyn-queens-service/

Sync This

Hey 8:30 AM callers, we have noted: You  all sound sleepy, groggy, grumpy, and not quite ready for work. But, on the plus side, at least you’re all in sync with each other. Worry not; our ever cheerful messengers are on top of all your stuff, and can even bring you that critical first cup of joe. Now, get with it!

Web Site Updated

Our Web site has been updated. You can now check out our growing video library of the streets of New York. Many people are proud of their workspace, and we’re no different. We wanted to share a day at the office with you guys. You all now have yet another reason to goof off on the web rather than do your jobs. You’re welcome.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked when the first electric cars traversed the streets of New York City. Answer: 1897, when electric taxis were built for the city by the Electric Carriage and Wagon Company of Philly.

T-Shirt Question

In honor of the Osaka Spring sumo tournament, who was the first American born sumo wrestler to break into the top tier makuuchi division of Japanese sumo? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 3 March 2010

Luck o’ the Irish

This March, Saint Patrick’s Day falls on the 17^th, a Wednesday. This, of course, means a parade! We love a parade, but be cognizant that this also snarls traffic. Please, plan ahead and try to get your orders in early. Then sit back and watch our messengers deliver faster than a leprechaun hiding his lucky charms.

Housing Your Wares

As some of our customers know, we have convenient warehouse space at Breakaway HQ that is perfect for items that turn over quickly. Store it here, send it from here. We store a variety of goods, especially Frequently Ordered Consumables, or FOCs. We are especially adept at storing, picking and moving our FOC pretty rapidly. Give us a call and let us store and ship it for you.

Spring Into Action

It may still be cold around this time, but March 20^th marks the vernal equinox, and therefore the first day of spring. Need supplies for the spring cleaning? No problem; we’ll deliver them for you. Need help with  the spring cleaning? No problem; if you call for a messenger-by-the-hour, he will arrive and help you Swiffer the joint.

Be-LEAF

One of our couriers saw it advertised on a billboard on Tenth Avenue. It’s coming, and we’re waiting for it. In December, Nissan will start selling its new eco-car, the LEAF; a totally electric, no tail-emissions production model family car. It’s reputed to have a top speed of 90 mph, and has 100% torque, to titillate all you gear heads out there. We’ll be interested to see how it performs, and if it’s practical.

Late Start 

Passover starts at the end of this month starting on March 30^th. So, don’t let the early date lull you into complacency. If you get caught without some matzah, call Breakaway. We can have it delivered just in time for Seder.

Info Overload

Former Breakaway messenger and dispatcher, turned acupuncturist, M510 braved the cold and snow the last weekend in February to attend the Integrative Healthcare Symposium. He attended lectures about the dangers posed by rampant EMF, eating cinnabuns, and modern life’s frankenfoods. Last we heard, he said he was moving to a cabin in the wilds of Montana. Best of luck, fella!

Stump the Band

Last month we asked to what status the planet Pluto was demoted. Answer: Pluto was demoted from “planet” to “dwarf planet” and/or “Kuiper Belt Object.” The demotion was prompted by the governing astronomical body’s adopting new guidelines as to what a “planet” really is.

T-Shirt Question

When did the first electric car traverse the streets of New York City, and who made it? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 15 Issue No. 2 February 2010

For Love Or Money  

It’s February, and soon Hallmark stores everywhere will be reminding us that it’s time to get that special someone a lovely gift, or you’re doomed to a fate worse than watching the Cheaters marathon. Remember, Breakaway can deliver any large gift you purchase and can deliver it anywhere in the tri-state area. Please, don’t smooch the messenger.

ACH-OOO!

Breakaway has always been set up for this, but it’s not been widely noted: We do accept payment via ACH (Automated Clearing House). If you’re company has been cleared to process payments via ACH, you can pay your balance with us that way. We still accept checks, credit card, and cowry shells.

Grunt Work

Office Manager Andy, as many of you may know, is the fastest office manager on two wheels. His daily workouts are legend. So is his grunting while he’s on the rollers grinding out those virtual miles. Now, his exercise acoustics have been deciphered. One long grunt means, “Answer the phones!” Two short grunts punctuated by a wheeze; “Ten more minutes!” We’re compiling a dictionary, which we’re sure will be on Kindles everywhere.

Cheese It!

A crime so shocking, so grand in scale has occurred at Breakaway HQ, that we almost dare not put it in type. Someone has absconded with someone else’s cheddar cheese that was in the fridge. Amazingly, the cheese-whiz sampled it the day before deciding to devour the rest. Normally, the victim wouldn’t give edam (pun intended) and would share, but this leaves a burrito bare. We’re on the lookout for a mousy character with long whiskers.

Milk From Who?

We love science, and we couldn’t help but notice that the 2009 winner of the Ig Nobel prize in veterinary medicine went to Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of Newcastle University, UK, for showing that cows that have names give more milk than cows that are nameless. Somewhere, there’s a cow thinking to itself, “I am not just a number!” We’re with you, Bossie!

Slightly Different

Research has shown that varying your routine has a stimulating effect on the brain’s dendrites. Accordingly, we at Breakaway have declared Feb 1^st to be Do Something Different Day. As our first act, we’re ordering all our messengers to ride their bikes backward. That, and to not pick up their paychecks on Friday.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked for the date that heralded New Year’s Day in England up until 1752. Answer: March 25^th, the Feast of the Annunciation, until the adoption of the Gregorian calendar.

T-Shirt Question

On February 18^th, 1930, Pluto, the ninth planet was discovered. Recently, however, Pluto was demoted. To what status was Pluto demoted and why? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway t-shirt.

Former Breakaway Courier messenger gets pro contract