Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 12 December 2013

Happy Holidays!

Well, the holidays are just rolling right along. No time to clean up  after the Big Turkey Chowdown; it's time to prepare for the next big event! If you're planning a Christmas shindig, be sure to use Breakaway to get all your items delivered. Our magic sleighs are standing by. We know, they look like cyclists and vehicles, but use your imagination.

 P.O. Box Epilogue

After this month, the blood-curdling and catastrophic event we have been predicting all along will finally come to pass. No, not another season of the Kardashians. We mean the closing of our P.O. Box, where we used to receive all our remittances. Henceforth, please forward all remittances to our street address: 444 W 36th St., NY, NY 10018-6344. We appreciate your cooperation.

Getting Traction?

“Traction” is a Wall Street buzzword referring to the ability of an idea or product to take hold of the market. Well, the nascent trend seems to be the big boys losing traction. Songstress Adele turned down $19 million to be the face of L'Oreal, saying she didn't want her name near another brand. And the guys who founded parent nightmare Snapchat turned down a $3 billion (yes, with a 'B') buyout offer. I guess traction isn't what it used to be. Know who has plenty of traction? Our messengers, that's who.

Big, Open Secret

We go on a lot about our love of cycling, and the glory days of careening through the city streets on two wheels, yada, yada, yada. Let’s not forget, however, that we also do plenty of vehicle deliveries in everything from vans to lift-gate trucks. Call our trucking department and see what they can move for you.

Snoopless Service

If information is the new currency, then the NSA is swimming in it. Tapping into all the world’s data and communications, they’ve even gone so far as to build a truly mammoth data collection center able to hold exabytes (or more) of data collected from cyber snooping. How to send data privately? Via one of our messengers, of course. We’re the last bastion of secure data transfer, and we promise not to look.

Breaking Away Bad

Breaking Bad has ended, drawing to a close the tale of an American meth king. This begs the question, what's Bryan Cranston going to do next? Hey, Bryan, we've got openings, and plenty of deliveries to do! Hop to it!

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked for the derivation of the name, “Ichabod.” Answer: Ichabod comes from the Book of Samuel, the name being a reference to the capture of the Ark by the Philistines.

T-Shirt Question

“Breaking Bad” has ended, but meth remains a huge problem in the United States and elsewhere. It does have a legal use, however. For what two diagnoses is methamphetamine legally prescribed? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 11 November 2013

Thanks!

Tradition is coming once again, in the form of a giant roasted bird, candied yams, mounds of stuffing, and tons of veggies. It's Thanksgiving, so we'd like to say thank you to all the loyal customers who have made Breakaway the company it is today. Thank you. Now, pass that drumstick, will ya?

  PO Box

Normally, we're very reserved and humble when writing the Newsletter. But, the matter of the P.O. Box closing is a bit urgent. So, here goes: FER GOSSAKES STOP SENDING MAIL TO THE PO BOX!! THE FATE OF HUMANITY DEPENDS ON IT!! IF YOU SEND MAIL TO THE PO BOX, APOCALYPTIC UPHEAVALS WILL OCCUR!! THE SKY WILL TURN PURPLE!! WE'LL GET A NASTY HANGNAIL!! SEND ALL REMITTANCES TO OUR STREET ADDRESS OR WE'LL ALL DIE!!! Thank you for your cooperation. 

 GPS OMG

 We pride ourselves on being at the cutting edge at Breakaway. Which is why we're giving you something to obsessively click over besides Facebook. By the end of the year, all of our messengers will be GPS trackable. You will be able to see the progress of your order online in real time. Stay tuned for details.

 Smart Signatures

 We're also almost ready with our smart phone signature roll-out. Soon, all Proofs of Delivery will be captured electronically. This would have happened sooner, had we known the difference between a programmer and an iPhone programmer. The latter was brilliant, smelled like pumpkin spice, had a voice like a harpsichord, and made everything immeasurably better through mere touch. The former worked on the Obamacare website roll-out. Need we say more?

Awesome Article

When writing the newsletter, oftentimes we're forced to embargo articles because of lack of space, or because there are more urgent issues we need to get out. Usually, we just save embargoed ideas until next time, and we had a really great one ready to go this month. It was brilliant, but we can't remember what it was. Take our word for it, though. It was hilarious.

Pumpkin Allspice

Ahh, the fall season, when the smell of pumpkin spice wafts from the bakery. And the Starbucks. And the local coffee shop. And the Whole Foods. And the flower shop. And the pharmacy. And the gas station. Enough with the pumpkin spice already! We get it, it's delicious, but really, this is overkill! After all that, how is anyone supposed to enjoy our pumpkin spiced messengers?

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked you to name the architect and designer of the George Washington Bridge. Answer:  Othmar Amman was chief engineer, and Cass Gilbert was the architect.

 T-Shirt Question

Sleepy Hollow has been transformed from a legend into a hit television show by Fox. Both the short story and the TV show feature Ichabod Crane as the main character. What is the origin of the name, “Ichabod? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 10 October 2013

Halloween Scene

Make sure you have plenty of floss, stock up on toothpaste, and put the dentist on speed dial, because Halloween is coming. You can do your part to generate cavities and to keep your dental hygienist in business by having your supply of scary goodness delivered by Breakaway, either by the bag or lift-gate truck. Toothpaste not included.

A-Salted

They’re armed and dangerous…well, they’re armed anyway. Yes, the office staff at Breakaway has a new weapon in the fight against annoying flying insects; the Bug-A-Salt, a gun that shoots particles of salt, knocking the little pests out of the air. Astoundingly, the background check for this a-salt weapon is minimal. And what it can do for fries!

Uniformity

All our messengers will soon be appearing in uniform. If a messenger comes to your door out of uniform, call us and let us know. You’ll win a t-shirt for exposing him, and we’ll be sure to punish the messenger severely. Probably by sending him to a Miley Cyrus concert. On the other hand, that’s too harsh. We’ll just send him home to change.

Sig Capture

Breakaway will be introducing electronic signature capture in the coming year. For the time being, we’ll capture them the old fashioned way; a bear trap and a manifest.

Elevator Talk

Father talking to his son, “Because she was here first. Also, they’re going to push us to the back of the line every time you pick your nose.”

Some of the titillating conversation overheard by our couriers every day.

Change of Address

Automation is wonderful, but sometimes it leads to problems. Please be aware that we are phasing out our PO Box, so please don’t send any remittance or other correspondence  there.   Our new remittance address is:

444 W 36th St
New York, NY, 10018-6344

Please make the appropriate changes in your accounting software.

Moon Harvest

What is our favorite app to date? Phases of the Moon. Now we can tell you authoritatively that the next full moon will be on October the 18th at 5:59pm. Our celestial companion will be 388,291 km away.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked which baseball player had entered the rare 4000 runs club. Sharp-eyed customers quickly pointed out that no player has racked up 4000 runs; what we wanted to ask was who recently joined the rare 4000 hits club. Answer: Ichiro Suzuki.

T-Shirt Question

It’s a very little known neighborhood, but of course, no nabe is too great or small for us. Where is Vinegar Hill Corner? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

 

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 9 September 2013

Happy 5774

A happy New Year, or Rosh Hashanah to everyone out there, and a good Yom Kippur. This year, the Jewish New Year begins on Sept. 5th – 6th, while the Day of Atonement begins on Friday the 13th. So remember; if you throw any salt over your shoulder for good luck, make sure it’s kosher salt!

Online Invoicing

Okay, look, we get it. You haven’t switched to online invoicing because you see no need to change. That’s why you still cling to your rotary phone, while employing a ghost to work the telegraph in the back office, and breeding carrier pigeons on the roof. But trust us, online invoicing is quick, easy, and painless. To get started, e-mail Peggy Bernstein at pbernstein@breakawaycourier.com. And send that rotary thing to the museum, will you?

A-Rod Prod

How hot and heavy is the rivalry between the Yanks and the Sox? Last month, things got really heated after Alex Rodriguez was beaned by a pitch from Ryan Dempster. A furious Girardi got himself ejected from the game after arguing with the ump. That was nothing compared to A-Rod though, who suddenly turned green, his uniform ripped from his bulging muscles, all the while bellowing, “Alex Smash!!” Dang PEDs.

Large Load Lifts

In this day and age, there are not many companies that can afford to not adapt and still remain in business, and we’re no exception. Although we got our humble start with bicycle couriers, we also have vehicles, including lift-gate trucks, which can haul the biggest of loads for you. We can even store them, and help you with logistics. Call our trucking department for details.

Back to School

Hey, do you hear that? That low rumble. It sounds like the roar of jubilance, of incredible ecstasy. It’s the sound of parental celebration as the kids go back to school. So, get those school supplies, and prepare for the glorious sounds of silence. Our equally jubilant messengers will deliver any school supplies you order with a knowing wink.

Bold Rush

As of this writing, according to the Department of Public Health, there have been 181 applicants to open a medical marijuana dispensary in Massachusetts. That’s a lot of people out there making big bets on the future. That’s also a lot of Doritos that’ll need to be delivered, so don’t forget to call us!

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked (in Spanish) who the first native born Puerto Rican governor was. There are two answers: Juan Ponce de Leon II, in 1579, and Jesus Pinero, who was the native governor after the U.S. acquired the island, in 1946.

T-Shirt Question

Ichiro Suzuki batted his 4000th career home run this August, joining a club with only 2 other members. Who were they? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

 

 

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 8 August 2013

Heat Wave!

The nasty hot weather we suffered in the Northeast has broken, allowing for cooler conditions. Of course, it didn’t bother us any. We went to Puerto Rico to escape the heat (where this current edition was written)! You had to be mad to be out and about in that fetid weather! If you are not mad and were still outside, then chances are you were one of our intrepid couriers. Our fearless folks risked melting into little pools of biomass to deliver. Sorry about the sweat stains.

For Those Who Mail

We know you’re out there. You eschew e-mail for letters. You cling to your land-line. You insist on having an actual conversation, rather than text, especially when the other person is right next to you.  Well, now that we’re completely settled in our new home, mail us!  Please use our address: 444 W. 36th St. NYC, 10018 for all future correspondence, and discontinue use of our P.O. Box.

Paperless Chase

In an effort to keep paper usage to a minimum, we’re switching to electronic billing! If you want to go paperless, make sure we have your correct email address by sending it to pbernstein@breakawaycourier.com.   Invoices will be emailed in easily printable PDFs. 

Starved for Choice

Breakaway NYC moved recently, and we’re quickly finding out that we’re limited for coffee choice around here. We all pretty much run on java here, and the only choices we have are Dunkin’ Donuts or Café Grind. Either really down ‘n dirty, or really upscale and frou-frou. Dilemmas, dilemmas…

 

Boston’s New Digs

Breakaway Boston has moved into our new HQ on the first floor of One India Street! It was hard moving away from Downtown Crossing and all it had to offer, but this spot between Faneuil Hall and the Greenway is suiting us just fine. Wide windows and spacious layout has us feeling more productive than ever! If you’re in the nabe, stop by and say hello!

British Invasion

It’s August, and the 100th edition of the Tour de France is in the books. Congratulations to Chris Froome, the winner, and the second Briton in a row to win cycling’s most prestigious event. Of course, since many of the Tours last winners have been shown to be juiced, Froome probably has doubts to allay. In the meantime, we can call him Chris Vroooooom!

 Stump the Band

Last month, we wanted to know the names of the four Miracle of Ice hockey players who are also Boston U alumni. Answer: Mike Eruzione (captain), Dave Silk, Jack O’Callahan, and Jim Craig.

Pregunta Trivia

[Puerto Rico edition. Google Translate might come in handy.] ¿Como se llamaba el primer gobernador puertorriqueño en Puerto Rico? La primera persona que llame a Gil Ortiz con la respuesta correcta se ganará una camiseta de Breakaway Courier.

 

 

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 7 July 2013

Happy Fourth

Breakaway wishes all of our customers a happy, healthy, a

nd safe Fourth of July. Once again this year, the Macy’s fireworks will be held over the Hudson River, between 24th and 40th where more than 40,000 rockets will show their red glare, as awed New Yorkers stare.

Digital Syndication

Looking for good online excitement, and tired of all your friend’s lame Facebook posts of their cats? Head over to travelchannel.com, and check out the entire series of Triple Rush, featuring our little ole’ selves. You can watch our messengers fly along the streets, ad free (for the time being).

Keeping Secrets

Now we know that the government is keeping an eye on all our electronic correspondence and phone numbers, how is anyone to send a secure message? You can hire one of our couriers! Write it down, on paper, and send it in a sealed envelope. Our messengers promise not to peek.

Retro Revival

PDAs, iPhones, Androids, iPads, Surfaces, Tablets, Nooks, Blackberries; remember the days before any of these things? It seems as if we weren’t as connected as we are now, but still, we got more done. Maybe because our attention wasn’t scattered. Want to go retro? Hire a messenger! Doesn’t get more retro than two wheels and legpower.

Playing Catch-Up

We have to give it up. We were so proud of New York’s CitiBike bike sharing, but our sister city, Boston, has had a similar program called Hubway for two years. If Hubway is anything to go by, CitiBike can look forward to having lots of success. Here’s hoping.

Online Invoicing

We have digitized almost everything in this new economy, and we figured that one more thing couldn’t hurt. View your invoice online, anytime, and you can pay online as well. To get started, we need your e-mail. Call Maria Ortiz in accounts receivable to open an account, and get started.

Tour de Juiced?

It’s July, and aside from showing our national pride during the Fourth, we’re excited because July means another edition of the Tour de France. There are no serious American contenders in the field to contest for the win this year but we’ll still watch. If only for the drama of finding out which players are doping and which aren’t. It’s like a soap opera: As the Wheel Spins.

Stump the Band

Last month, we wanted to know what wood constructed item went farthest north and south, and is said to have been the strongest of its type constructed. Answer: The Fram, a sailing vessel captained by Norwegian Fridtjof Nansen in exploring the poles.

T-Shirt Question

Four of the Miracle on Ice hockey players are Boston University graduates. What are their names? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

 

 

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 6 June 2013

Father’s Day

June 16th is around the corner, meaning Dad’s special day is almost here. We sincerely hope that this Father’s Day, you will get your dad something other than a tie. Because then you willll need our services! We have nothing against delivering a tie of course. Just so long as it isn’t Paisley. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Share Ware

Last week saw rollout of NYC’s bike-sharing program, and we thought we’d give it a whirl. Frankly, we’re favorably impressed. The bicycles don’t feel as heavy as they are (45 lbs), ride nicely, and are easy to use. There are quirks. We rode one to Starbuck’s and found we had to wait five minutes after docking before being able to use another. We’re trying to decide if we’re more shocked about the five minute dock, or that Starbuck’s served us in less than five minutes!

Postal Going

By all accounts, the U.S. Postal Service is on its last legs. The 228-year old institution loses $25 million every day, for a total of $16 billion last year. That’s why we urge all our customers to opt for our online billing. You can view your invoice as a PDF, review your account, and pay your bill online, day or night. If you’re afraid of switching to online because you love the Newsletter, fear not! All issues of the newsletter are online as well.

Time Lag

Relativity is a funny thing, and we’re trying to wrap our heads around the fact that our perception of time is somewhat plastic, with time speeding and slowing down under certain circumstances. As has been said, the length of one minute depends a lot on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.

Harlem Hijinks

Father’s Day isn’t the only thing happening on June 16th. It’s also the day of the Harlem Skyscraper Classic, aka the Harlem Crit. If your dad is into speed, and watching bicycle racers going flat out, come up together to Marcus Garvey Park for family fun filled with fast cycling fanatics.

US Road Warriors

Congrats to everyone who participated in the 2013 U.S. Road Racing and Time Trial Championships. The events were held in Chattanooga, TN over Memorial Day weekend. Carmen Small and Tom Zirbel won the women’s and men’s time trial events, while Jade Wilcoxson and “Fast” Freddy Rodriguez won the women’s and men’s road race events. All four win the right to wear the stars-and-stripes jerseys for the next year in upcoming cycling events.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked what color of the famous 7-line “Redbird” trains was referred to as. Answer: The deep red color was referred to as “Gunn red” in honor of its originator, David L. Gunn.

T-Shirt Question

It went farthest north and south, and is said to be the strongest wood constructed item of its type ever built. What is it? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

 

 

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 5 May 2013

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Memorial Day

Memorial Day is coming this month, of course. This year, it will be on the weekend of the 25th and 26th, with Memorial Day itself on Monday the 27th. Get ready to fire up the grill, and remember those who gave their lives for our country.

Triple Joy

You tuned in to watch, and then, just like one of our couriers on a deadline, it was gone. “Triple Rush,” which was on the Travel Channel, went off air after just three episodes. However, Travel Channel is making all eight episodes available online. Surf over to travelchannel.com to watch your favorite couriers ply their trade on the city streets.

Moot Commute

May 17th is Bike to Work Day, part of an effort to get people moving in fun ways that don’t contribute to climate change. Of course, as far as we’re all concerned, it’s no big deal. Heck, we do it all the time. It’s nice to see the rest of the city catch up with us, though.

Kitchen Remodeling

We’re happily ensconced in our new office space (albeit our building number isn’t a prime number. We really had our hearts set on that). Now, it seems, people are getting ready to follow us here, in a big way. 57-story high rises are set to sprout around us, like so much concrete crab grass, soon to dwarf our own little home. Hell’s Kitchen is hot and only getting hotter. What was that line about the heat...?

Boston Strong

Breakaway’s other home is in Boston, We’re so proud of the city and its people in light of the recent tragedy, and our thoughts are with all those affected.

Strange Talk

We’re often asked how we put our hard-hitting, well-respected newsletter together. We’d love to tell you, but it’s a secret. So much so, that we’ve installed the Cone of Silence. Let’s just say that it’s a lot of mutant conversation.

Pay This Way

Ever lay awake in the middle of the night, fantasizing of some other way to pay your Breakaway invoice? If so, seek professional help. Or, you could simply log into our web site and both view and pay your invoice, day or night, with a credit card. That way, you won’t need any Ambien.

Stump the Band


Last month we asked which hard rocking native New York band was celebrating its 40th anniversary.  Answer:  KISS, still rockin’ and rollin’ all night.

T-Shirt Question

With plans to extend the 7 train into Hell’s Kitchen and possibly New Jersey, the 7 line is often in the news. What did they call the color of the famous “Redbird” subway cars? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

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Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 4 April 2013

Tax Lax

It’s that time of year again, when we all take a deep breath and plunge into those maddening forms that the government likes to send us. It’s tax time, and the deadline is Monday, April 15th. While we can’t help prepare your documents, we can rush them over to the relevant authorities with speed, aplomb, and all due haste.

Utilization

With the move to the new office space complete, we realized that we had a lot of space at the old HQ that went underutilized. We have termed this “the office law of inertia.”  The law maintains that “an item plunked down will remain plunked down until acted upon by another.” In this case, we went through the office pointing at objects and saying, “Don’t need this. Ditch that. Dump these.”

Welcome Wagon

Naturally, to dispose of the above-mentioned plunked items, we acquired a large dumpster. That’s when the Hell’s Kitchen welcoming committee swung into action. That is to say, the other businesses and denizens began throwing their stuff into our dumpster! So, if you’re new to Hell’s Kitchen, remember: Rite of Admittance dictates that you provide a dumpster for your new neighbors.

Pretty Dyer

What’s in a name? In the case of a lonely little avenue which we’ve noticed after moving into our new HQ, not much. From what we can tell, Dyer Avenue is nothing more than a conduit connecting 34th street to the loops out of the Lincoln tunnel. Ought not to be confused with Dyre Ave, or Dire Straits.

The Extra Mile 

Last Mile Delivery is more and more a part of the new economy as people and businesses do ever increasing amounts of online commerce. Someone has to get that item from the local warehouse to its final destination. We can zip anything along that final mile, from small electronics to a sofa. Call and ask about our Last Mile service. 

Paperless Trail 

Breakaway is going paperless. Now, that has been said before, and it is true that after it’s said, it seems like there’s more paper than ever. However, we’ve successfully scanned years of administrative documents, with many standard documents digitized. The one thing we haven’t digitized is our staff. They’re still analog and can all move stuff faster than a pipeline full of bits.

Stump the Band 

Last month we asked what the Lincoln Tunnel was demoted from. Answer: The Tunnel was demoted from Interstate Status to a mere State route, although some signs still say I-495.

T-Shirt Question

This month marks the 40th anniversary of one of the hardest rocking bands ever to come out of New York. Which one? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

 

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 3 March 2013

 

Holidays 

It’s March, and that means a slew of holidays. So we at Breakaway wanted to wish all our friends out there a Happy St. Patrick’s Day, a Peaceful Passover, and a tranquil Easter. As for National Kidney Day or Doctor’s Day, well, you’re on your own. But, if you need that keg of green beer delivered, we’re your guys!

We’ve Moved!

By the time you read this, Breakaway will be settled into its new HQ.   The good news is that we’re only moving around the corner from our current office locale, to 444 W. 36th Street. The better news is that Breakaway will take over the whole building, rather than our current two floors, and that means no neighbors. Parrrrty!!!  

Hop, Skip, Jump

Another advantage to our move is that we’ll be closer to the Javits center; in fact, we’re just about a block away. This is convenient for customers who may be presenting at trade shows. Since our warehousing will be unaffected by our move, this is a good chance to improve your logistics when doing shows. Call our warehousing/logistics team for more info.

March Madness

Another tradition of March is that perennial mental condition that affects large swaths of the population, March Madness. Tuesday, March 19th is the official start of this serious condition, and it won’t abate until April 8th. Serious side effects like dizziness and drinking may occur. Don’t operate heavy machinery or deliver your own packages if affected. Call us instead. We promise to remain uninfected. Really.

Spring Forward

March 10th is the time for everyone to Spring forward; Daylight Savings Time is almost upon us. That means, of course, that we all lose an hour of sleep and that your newsletter writer will be much grumpier without that second cup of coffee. It’s not all bad; ten days later, the first official day of spring arrives at the solstice. Just remember to re-set your alarm clocks!

Cargo Bikes

Have a somewhat heavy delivery but don’t want to call a fossil fuel consuming, CO2 producing vehicle? Call for one of our cargo bikes instead! One study shows that every mile traveled by bicycle saves 1 pound of CO2 emission. So give us a call, and get that baby moved, green and guilt free! 

Stump the Band

Last month we wanted to know who created the first modern computer and why? Answer: Tommy Flowers of Bletchley Park created a computer called “Colossus” during WW II to help break German codes.

T-Shirt Question

What was the Lincoln Tunnel demoted from, and why? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.