Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 3 March 2014

Blarney Carnie 

March is here, so it’s time for the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. This year, the holiday falls on a Monday, so plan your deliveries accordingly, bearing in mind that cutting through the parade route isn’t easy. Especially while dodging leprechauns and flying mugs of green beer!

 Ice Ice Maybe!

Apparently the Sochi Olympics should have been called the So Warm Olympics, with temperatures climbing into the 60's over there. Had the Olympics been held here, they’d have had plenty of snow! Next time, make sure conditions are right, IOC!

 Tech Rollout

   It’s happening. We’ve been adding more GPS devices to our messengers. No, not by surgical   implantation! Soon, you’ll be able to order and track the progress of your delivery online. 

 Last Mile in Style

You secured the big contract for you and your firm. You managed to arrange for the merchandise to be delivered from England to the States, no problem. It’s sitting in the warehouse at JFK. Now what? Call us, that’s what! We offer “Last Mile” delivery and logistics services. We’ll deal with getting the delivery into the right hands, leaving you free to collect the accolades you worked hard for.

 Street Glaciers

 One effect of all the snow we’ve had, despite not hosting an Olympics, is huge ice floes on the sidewalk. Breakaway office stalwarts Gil and Maria have both slipped and fell on the streetbergs. Both are okay, but we’re going to start issuing crampons to all our employees.

 The Madness Begins

It’s coming. The insanity. The screaming. The attention deficit disorder induced by television overdose. We’re talking, of course, about the annual event known as March Madness, a/k/a college basketball. Those of us in the office who don’t give a hoot about it have already ordered our earplugs. Have at it, b-ball fans!

 From the Field

 Intrepid Breakaway employee Asher is typical of our couriers and staff: gonzo. She works remotely, and was, until recently, working in Ukraine, in the Crimea. As of this writing, she is now safely in Budapest, having traveled from Crimea through Kiev to get there (she even found time to walk around Kiev and take in a movie!). In her own words, “Not a very uplifting place to be at the moment, to say the least.”

 Stump the Band

Last month, we asked when the coldest ever Super Bowl was. Answer: Super Bowl VI, which took place in Louisiana. The temperature was 43 degrees that game.

 T-Shirt Question

 Moscow authorities came up with a unique way of honoring the Sochi games in the city’s Metro system. What was it? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 2 February 2014

Snow Grind

This winter is the big story this newsletter. We haven’t seen this much snow since 1992, and the cold temperatures have been record setting, thanks to the Polar Vortex. The snow has been so bad that many of our messengers opted to walk rather than bicycle, just for safety. This makes our times slower, so we thank you for your patience and understanding.

  Lost His Bloom

Never know who’s going to come and apply for a courier position. We just had the most interesting old guy apply today. Kind of short, nasally voice, and not very athletic looking, but he did have the most incredible $10,000 bicycle, a retinue of helpers, and wingtip bicycle shoes. Wonder how many packages he’ll deliver on his first day?

 It’s a Sign

 How do you know for sure that there’s a new mayor in town? The New York Times knows. They point out that the signs in New York city are being changed for the first time in twelve years; signs proclaiming Bloomberg mayor are coming down, and signs with De Blasio’s name are going up. Now, as you drive in, you’ll know exactly who to blame for your pothole damaged suspension.

Tail This! 

So you’re going to have your own Super Bowl party, and you need tons of supplies and paraphernalia. What can you do to get it all to you? Order a truck from Breakaway, of course. We have everything from simple cube trucks to lift-gate trucks capable of moving an entire team. Of course, if you’re ordering the lift-gate for your party, we’re going to want to be there!

 Street Party

 By the time you read this, the Super Bowl will have already been decided. What won’t have been decided is what to do with all the trash generated by having the Super Bowl Times Square party. As of this writing, workers are setting up Times Square and the pedestrian mall below it for the big NYC bash. Here’s to a great Super Bowl and a successful street party.

 Love in the Cold Air

 Of course, the Super Bowl isn’t the only game in town. A lot of people in our fair burg are also playing the game of love. Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and that means flowers, chocolates, and possibly tickets for a show. Remember, you can always count on us to get any of these items to you, whether you order online or over the phone.

 Stump the Band

 Last month, we wanted to know what federal act MLK Day is governed by as a floating holiday.  Answer: The Uniform Monday Holiday Act.

 T-Shirt Question

 Meteorologists are predicting that this may be the coldest Super Bowl ever. When was the previous coldest ever Super Bowl? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 1 January 2014

Happy New Year!

Another year has come and gone, and another year of growth at Breakaway Courier is in the books. We’re at a new headquarters location, we offer more services than ever, you can do more with us online than ever before, and finally, we think 2014 is going to be our biggest year ever. To all of our loyal customers, thank you. We couldn’t have done it without you. Have a wonderful New Year!

Big Fish Story

It was like a Christmas miracle. Two months ago, one of our Bullet Cargo bicycles was stolen. But just before the holidays, our messenger JT spotted it outside a fish market on 98th and Amsterdam. Fearless leader RK sprang into action, riding up there, and staying with it until trucker AG came by to take it away. A happy ending all around! Except now our cargo bay smells like fish. No, really, the entire cargo bay smells like fish.

MLK Day

He made it possible for many people in this country to enjoy their liberties as much as anyone else, and paved the way for the USA’s first black president. So, it’s only proper that we celebrate a day in rememberance. Breakaway wants to wish everyone a happy Martin Luther King Day, which, this year is on January 20th.

Brown Frown

This Christmas season, we saw a fifty percent spike in our volume, with orders coming in fast as a winter snowfall. Still, we completed our deliveries on time; unlike UPS and FedEx, both of whom became so mired in backorders, they missed delivery deadlines. Apparently they’re brown because their name is mud. Next time call Breakaway. You know our name. Look up the number.

Tablet Rollout

It’s starting this month, and if all goes smoothly, everything will be completed by the spring. Soon, our couriers will be equipped with tablets that will be able to A) capture your signature electronically and ii) allow our customers to track their courier via GPS. Another reason to conduct your business with us via the Web.

Super Headache

As all our football obsessed fans already know, the Superbowl this year is going to be at Giant Stadium. However, all the pre-bowl festivities are going to be here on this side of the river, in Manhattan. We’re bracing ourselves, because said pre-bowl press, party, etc are going to be a stone’s throw away from Breakaway HQ. Pass the earplugs.

Stump the Band

 Last month, we asked for the two diagnoses for which methamphetamine is legally prescribed to patients. It is legally prescribed under the trade name Desoxyn for the treatment of exogenous obesity and ADHD.

T-Shirt Question

 MLK Day is what is known as a floating holiday. This is in accord with what federal act? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 12 December 2013

Happy Holidays!

Well, the holidays are just rolling right along. No time to clean up  after the Big Turkey Chowdown; it's time to prepare for the next big event! If you're planning a Christmas shindig, be sure to use Breakaway to get all your items delivered. Our magic sleighs are standing by. We know, they look like cyclists and vehicles, but use your imagination.

 P.O. Box Epilogue

After this month, the blood-curdling and catastrophic event we have been predicting all along will finally come to pass. No, not another season of the Kardashians. We mean the closing of our P.O. Box, where we used to receive all our remittances. Henceforth, please forward all remittances to our street address: 444 W 36th St., NY, NY 10018-6344. We appreciate your cooperation.

Getting Traction?

“Traction” is a Wall Street buzzword referring to the ability of an idea or product to take hold of the market. Well, the nascent trend seems to be the big boys losing traction. Songstress Adele turned down $19 million to be the face of L'Oreal, saying she didn't want her name near another brand. And the guys who founded parent nightmare Snapchat turned down a $3 billion (yes, with a 'B') buyout offer. I guess traction isn't what it used to be. Know who has plenty of traction? Our messengers, that's who.

Big, Open Secret

We go on a lot about our love of cycling, and the glory days of careening through the city streets on two wheels, yada, yada, yada. Let’s not forget, however, that we also do plenty of vehicle deliveries in everything from vans to lift-gate trucks. Call our trucking department and see what they can move for you.

Snoopless Service

If information is the new currency, then the NSA is swimming in it. Tapping into all the world’s data and communications, they’ve even gone so far as to build a truly mammoth data collection center able to hold exabytes (or more) of data collected from cyber snooping. How to send data privately? Via one of our messengers, of course. We’re the last bastion of secure data transfer, and we promise not to look.

Breaking Away Bad

Breaking Bad has ended, drawing to a close the tale of an American meth king. This begs the question, what's Bryan Cranston going to do next? Hey, Bryan, we've got openings, and plenty of deliveries to do! Hop to it!

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked for the derivation of the name, “Ichabod.” Answer: Ichabod comes from the Book of Samuel, the name being a reference to the capture of the Ark by the Philistines.

T-Shirt Question

“Breaking Bad” has ended, but meth remains a huge problem in the United States and elsewhere. It does have a legal use, however. For what two diagnoses is methamphetamine legally prescribed? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 11 November 2013

Thanks!

Tradition is coming once again, in the form of a giant roasted bird, candied yams, mounds of stuffing, and tons of veggies. It's Thanksgiving, so we'd like to say thank you to all the loyal customers who have made Breakaway the company it is today. Thank you. Now, pass that drumstick, will ya?

  PO Box

Normally, we're very reserved and humble when writing the Newsletter. But, the matter of the P.O. Box closing is a bit urgent. So, here goes: FER GOSSAKES STOP SENDING MAIL TO THE PO BOX!! THE FATE OF HUMANITY DEPENDS ON IT!! IF YOU SEND MAIL TO THE PO BOX, APOCALYPTIC UPHEAVALS WILL OCCUR!! THE SKY WILL TURN PURPLE!! WE'LL GET A NASTY HANGNAIL!! SEND ALL REMITTANCES TO OUR STREET ADDRESS OR WE'LL ALL DIE!!! Thank you for your cooperation. 

 GPS OMG

 We pride ourselves on being at the cutting edge at Breakaway. Which is why we're giving you something to obsessively click over besides Facebook. By the end of the year, all of our messengers will be GPS trackable. You will be able to see the progress of your order online in real time. Stay tuned for details.

 Smart Signatures

 We're also almost ready with our smart phone signature roll-out. Soon, all Proofs of Delivery will be captured electronically. This would have happened sooner, had we known the difference between a programmer and an iPhone programmer. The latter was brilliant, smelled like pumpkin spice, had a voice like a harpsichord, and made everything immeasurably better through mere touch. The former worked on the Obamacare website roll-out. Need we say more?

Awesome Article

When writing the newsletter, oftentimes we're forced to embargo articles because of lack of space, or because there are more urgent issues we need to get out. Usually, we just save embargoed ideas until next time, and we had a really great one ready to go this month. It was brilliant, but we can't remember what it was. Take our word for it, though. It was hilarious.

Pumpkin Allspice

Ahh, the fall season, when the smell of pumpkin spice wafts from the bakery. And the Starbucks. And the local coffee shop. And the Whole Foods. And the flower shop. And the pharmacy. And the gas station. Enough with the pumpkin spice already! We get it, it's delicious, but really, this is overkill! After all that, how is anyone supposed to enjoy our pumpkin spiced messengers?

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked you to name the architect and designer of the George Washington Bridge. Answer:  Othmar Amman was chief engineer, and Cass Gilbert was the architect.

 T-Shirt Question

Sleepy Hollow has been transformed from a legend into a hit television show by Fox. Both the short story and the TV show feature Ichabod Crane as the main character. What is the origin of the name, “Ichabod? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 10 October 2013

Halloween Scene

Make sure you have plenty of floss, stock up on toothpaste, and put the dentist on speed dial, because Halloween is coming. You can do your part to generate cavities and to keep your dental hygienist in business by having your supply of scary goodness delivered by Breakaway, either by the bag or lift-gate truck. Toothpaste not included.

A-Salted

They’re armed and dangerous…well, they’re armed anyway. Yes, the office staff at Breakaway has a new weapon in the fight against annoying flying insects; the Bug-A-Salt, a gun that shoots particles of salt, knocking the little pests out of the air. Astoundingly, the background check for this a-salt weapon is minimal. And what it can do for fries!

Uniformity

All our messengers will soon be appearing in uniform. If a messenger comes to your door out of uniform, call us and let us know. You’ll win a t-shirt for exposing him, and we’ll be sure to punish the messenger severely. Probably by sending him to a Miley Cyrus concert. On the other hand, that’s too harsh. We’ll just send him home to change.

Sig Capture

Breakaway will be introducing electronic signature capture in the coming year. For the time being, we’ll capture them the old fashioned way; a bear trap and a manifest.

Elevator Talk

Father talking to his son, “Because she was here first. Also, they’re going to push us to the back of the line every time you pick your nose.”

Some of the titillating conversation overheard by our couriers every day.

Change of Address

Automation is wonderful, but sometimes it leads to problems. Please be aware that we are phasing out our PO Box, so please don’t send any remittance or other correspondence  there.   Our new remittance address is:

444 W 36th St
New York, NY, 10018-6344

Please make the appropriate changes in your accounting software.

Moon Harvest

What is our favorite app to date? Phases of the Moon. Now we can tell you authoritatively that the next full moon will be on October the 18th at 5:59pm. Our celestial companion will be 388,291 km away.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked which baseball player had entered the rare 4000 runs club. Sharp-eyed customers quickly pointed out that no player has racked up 4000 runs; what we wanted to ask was who recently joined the rare 4000 hits club. Answer: Ichiro Suzuki.

T-Shirt Question

It’s a very little known neighborhood, but of course, no nabe is too great or small for us. Where is Vinegar Hill Corner? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 9 September 2013

Happy 5774

A happy New Year, or Rosh Hashanah to everyone out there, and a good Yom Kippur. This year, the Jewish New Year begins on Sept. 5th – 6th, while the Day of Atonement begins on Friday the 13th. So remember; if you throw any salt over your shoulder for good luck, make sure it’s kosher salt!

Online Invoicing

Okay, look, we get it. You haven’t switched to online invoicing because you see no need to change. That’s why you still cling to your rotary phone, while employing a ghost to work the telegraph in the back office, and breeding carrier pigeons on the roof. But trust us, online invoicing is quick, easy, and painless. To get started, e-mail Peggy Bernstein at pbernstein@breakawaycourier.com. And send that rotary thing to the museum, will you?

A-Rod Prod

How hot and heavy is the rivalry between the Yanks and the Sox? Last month, things got really heated after Alex Rodriguez was beaned by a pitch from Ryan Dempster. A furious Girardi got himself ejected from the game after arguing with the ump. That was nothing compared to A-Rod though, who suddenly turned green, his uniform ripped from his bulging muscles, all the while bellowing, “Alex Smash!!” Dang PEDs.

Large Load Lifts

In this day and age, there are not many companies that can afford to not adapt and still remain in business, and we’re no exception. Although we got our humble start with bicycle couriers, we also have vehicles, including lift-gate trucks, which can haul the biggest of loads for you. We can even store them, and help you with logistics. Call our trucking department for details.

Back to School

Hey, do you hear that? That low rumble. It sounds like the roar of jubilance, of incredible ecstasy. It’s the sound of parental celebration as the kids go back to school. So, get those school supplies, and prepare for the glorious sounds of silence. Our equally jubilant messengers will deliver any school supplies you order with a knowing wink.

Bold Rush

As of this writing, according to the Department of Public Health, there have been 181 applicants to open a medical marijuana dispensary in Massachusetts. That’s a lot of people out there making big bets on the future. That’s also a lot of Doritos that’ll need to be delivered, so don’t forget to call us!

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked (in Spanish) who the first native born Puerto Rican governor was. There are two answers: Juan Ponce de Leon II, in 1579, and Jesus Pinero, who was the native governor after the U.S. acquired the island, in 1946.

T-Shirt Question

Ichiro Suzuki batted his 4000th career home run this August, joining a club with only 2 other members. Who were they? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 8 August 2013

Heat Wave!

The nasty hot weather we suffered in the Northeast has broken, allowing for cooler conditions. Of course, it didn’t bother us any. We went to Puerto Rico to escape the heat (where this current edition was written)! You had to be mad to be out and about in that fetid weather! If you are not mad and were still outside, then chances are you were one of our intrepid couriers. Our fearless folks risked melting into little pools of biomass to deliver. Sorry about the sweat stains.

For Those Who Mail

We know you’re out there. You eschew e-mail for letters. You cling to your land-line. You insist on having an actual conversation, rather than text, especially when the other person is right next to you.  Well, now that we’re completely settled in our new home, mail us!  Please use our address: 444 W. 36th St. NYC, 10018 for all future correspondence, and discontinue use of our P.O. Box.

Paperless Chase

In an effort to keep paper usage to a minimum, we’re switching to electronic billing! If you want to go paperless, make sure we have your correct email address by sending it to pbernstein@breakawaycourier.com.   Invoices will be emailed in easily printable PDFs. 

Starved for Choice

Breakaway NYC moved recently, and we’re quickly finding out that we’re limited for coffee choice around here. We all pretty much run on java here, and the only choices we have are Dunkin’ Donuts or Café Grind. Either really down ‘n dirty, or really upscale and frou-frou. Dilemmas, dilemmas…

Boston’s New Digs

Breakaway Boston has moved into our new HQ on the first floor of One India Street! It was hard moving away from Downtown Crossing and all it had to offer, but this spot between Faneuil Hall and the Greenway is suiting us just fine. Wide windows and spacious layout has us feeling more productive than ever! If you’re in the nabe, stop by and say hello!

British Invasion

It’s August, and the 100th edition of the Tour de France is in the books. Congratulations to Chris Froome, the winner, and the second Briton in a row to win cycling’s most prestigious event. Of course, since many of the Tours last winners have been shown to be juiced, Froome probably has doubts to allay. In the meantime, we can call him Chris Vroooooom!

 Stump the Band

Last month, we wanted to know the names of the four Miracle of Ice hockey players who are also Boston U alumni. Answer: Mike Eruzione (captain), Dave Silk, Jack O’Callahan, and Jim Craig.

Pregunta Trivia

[Puerto Rico edition. Google Translate might come in handy.] ¿Como se llamaba el primer gobernador puertorriqueño en Puerto Rico? La primera persona que llame a Gil Ortiz con la respuesta correcta se ganará una camiseta de Breakaway Courier.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 7 July 2013

Happy Fourth

Breakaway wishes all of our customers a happy, healthy, a

nd safe Fourth of July. Once again this year, the Macy’s fireworks will be held over the Hudson River, between 24th and 40th where more than 40,000 rockets will show their red glare, as awed New Yorkers stare.

Digital Syndication

Looking for good online excitement, and tired of all your friend’s lame Facebook posts of their cats? Head over to travelchannel.com, and check out the entire series of Triple Rush, featuring our little ole’ selves. You can watch our messengers fly along the streets, ad free (for the time being).

Keeping Secrets

Now we know that the government is keeping an eye on all our electronic correspondence and phone numbers, how is anyone to send a secure message? You can hire one of our couriers! Write it down, on paper, and send it in a sealed envelope. Our messengers promise not to peek.

Retro Revival

PDAs, iPhones, Androids, iPads, Surfaces, Tablets, Nooks, Blackberries; remember the days before any of these things? It seems as if we weren’t as connected as we are now, but still, we got more done. Maybe because our attention wasn’t scattered. Want to go retro? Hire a messenger! Doesn’t get more retro than two wheels and legpower.

Playing Catch-Up

We have to give it up. We were so proud of New York’s CitiBike bike sharing, but our sister city, Boston, has had a similar program called Hubway for two years. If Hubway is anything to go by, CitiBike can look forward to having lots of success. Here’s hoping.

Online Invoicing

We have digitized almost everything in this new economy, and we figured that one more thing couldn’t hurt. View your invoice online, anytime, and you can pay online as well. To get started, we need your e-mail. Call Maria Ortiz in accounts receivable to open an account, and get started.

Tour de Juiced?

It’s July, and aside from showing our national pride during the Fourth, we’re excited because July means another edition of the Tour de France. There are no serious American contenders in the field to contest for the win this year but we’ll still watch. If only for the drama of finding out which players are doping and which aren’t. It’s like a soap opera: As the Wheel Spins.

Stump the Band

Last month, we wanted to know what wood constructed item went farthest north and south, and is said to have been the strongest of its type constructed. Answer: The Fram, a sailing vessel captained by Norwegian Fridtjof Nansen in exploring the poles.

T-Shirt Question

Four of the Miracle on Ice hockey players are Boston University graduates. What are their names? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 6 June 2013

Father’s Day

June 16th is around the corner, meaning Dad’s special day is almost here. We sincerely hope that this Father’s Day, you will get your dad something other than a tie. Because then you willll need our services! We have nothing against delivering a tie of course. Just so long as it isn’t Paisley. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Share Ware

Last week saw rollout of NYC’s bike-sharing program, and we thought we’d give it a whirl. Frankly, we’re favorably impressed. The bicycles don’t feel as heavy as they are (45 lbs), ride nicely, and are easy to use. There are quirks. We rode one to Starbuck’s and found we had to wait five minutes after docking before being able to use another. We’re trying to decide if we’re more shocked about the five minute dock, or that Starbuck’s served us in less than five minutes!

Postal Going

By all accounts, the U.S. Postal Service is on its last legs. The 228-year old institution loses $25 million every day, for a total of $16 billion last year. That’s why we urge all our customers to opt for our online billing. You can view your invoice as a PDF, review your account, and pay your bill online, day or night. If you’re afraid of switching to online because you love the Newsletter, fear not! All issues of the newsletter are online as well.

Time Lag

Relativity is a funny thing, and we’re trying to wrap our heads around the fact that our perception of time is somewhat plastic, with time speeding and slowing down under certain circumstances. As has been said, the length of one minute depends a lot on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.

Harlem Hijinks

Father’s Day isn’t the only thing happening on June 16th. It’s also the day of the Harlem Skyscraper Classic, aka the Harlem Crit. If your dad is into speed, and watching bicycle racers going flat out, come up together to Marcus Garvey Park for family fun filled with fast cycling fanatics.

US Road Warriors

Congrats to everyone who participated in the 2013 U.S. Road Racing and Time Trial Championships. The events were held in Chattanooga, TN over Memorial Day weekend. Carmen Small and Tom Zirbel won the women’s and men’s time trial events, while Jade Wilcoxson and “Fast” Freddy Rodriguez won the women’s and men’s road race events. All four win the right to wear the stars-and-stripes jerseys for the next year in upcoming cycling events.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked what color of the famous 7-line “Redbird” trains was referred to as. Answer: The deep red color was referred to as “Gunn red” in honor of its originator, David L. Gunn.

T-Shirt Question

It went farthest north and south, and is said to be the strongest wood constructed item of its type ever built. What is it? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.