Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 1 January 2015

Happy New Year!
A very Happy New Year to all of our customers! We hope that everybody out there had a safe and cheerful New Year’s Eve, and that everyone kept the drunken brawling to a minimum. We at Breakaway celebrated the way we always do; by figuring out new routes for deliveries and riding on the rollers. We know, we know, we’re wild and crazy.

 A Day for a King
This January 19th is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a day reserved not only to acknowledge the accomplishments of the civil rights leader, but also a national day of civic action and volunteer service.

 Electric Boogie
They still haven’t quite caught on yet, but electric cars have come a long way since the days of GM’s EV-1. Tesla Motors has now unveiled a real advancement for the technology; the Model S sedan can now do 0-60 in under 4.5 seconds, faster than a Porsche 911 Carrera. Stick that in your exhaust pipe! 

Non-Digital
Texting has become an essential part of communicating in the modern era, but of course, it requires the use of both our hands, which can be a pain in the rear. We decided to see if we could solve the problem by texting with our nose. Needs work. Same for using our toes.
 

Expanding Fleet
While they aren’t the Tesla Model S, we did take possession recently of two sleek new vehicles that came all the way from Denmark. They are our new cargo bicycles, and we’ve already given them a shakedown run and are putting them to work. Now you can ship all of twenty of those throw pillows without fear.

Online Divine
We know that many of you out there are Luddites, and just won’t give up your typewriters and rotary phones no matter what. Be that as it may, we urge you to try electronic invoicing. It saves paper, which saves trees, and makes you feel warm and fuzzy. And, if you’re worried about losing the newsletter, fear not; it’s posted right there on our website.

A Touch Late
Orwell predicted that in 1984 we’d all be living in a state where all of our movements, actions, and whereabouts were monitored. What he didn’t predict is how much we’d all enjoy it and come to rely on it. 2015 is the year of ubiquitous GPS, and now you too can play the part of Big Brother by tracking the progress of your package online. Hey, it beats playing Minesweeper. 

Stump the Band
Last month, we asked where long period comets originate from. Answer: Long period comets come from the Oort Cloud.

T-Shirt Question
Originally for military use, who opened up GPS to civilians as a common good? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 12 December 2014

Xmas Cheer

Happy Holidays to all of our customers! During this time of holiday cheer, take a moment to remember all those out there, especially our messengers, who are freezing their tails off! Even so, they’re all happy to spread the spirit of the season, so please offer them some warm egg nog or something.

Spreading Cheer

 We know how much you like to shop for family during the holidays. If you have more than 10 deliveries to make, consider sending us a spreadsheet. You can find the template on our website at www.breakawaycourier.com/bulk-deliveries. That way, you can save time, and don’t have to repeat your order if you’re interrupted on the phone.

Tabling  

A lot of stories at Breakaway don’t get used, and so we wind up tabling a lot of them. Resultantly, we have a pile of stories on the table, and what we’ve decided is that we need a bigger table. So come and read our table. There’s great stuff on it.

 Not Brain Food

 When writing, or involved in any mental effort, the brain needs glucose in order to process and organize information. There are right and wrong ways to go about this, and for this newsletter, we ordered a black and white cookie, which is the totally wrong way of going about this! We can feel the sugar-induced ADHD kicking in right now!

Heroics

 Here at Breakaway, there occasionally is a story of incredible originality, perspicacity, and gumption in the delivery of packages for our customers. We had a great story ready to go for this newsletter, but we forgot what it was, what with all the phone calls and taking orders, and fielding questions and stuff. You’ll just have to imagine what it was but take our word for it, it was incredible.

Major Tom-foolery

 As you may have heard, the robotic lander Philae landed successfully on comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko, a stunning accomplishment. What you may not know, is that we delivered it, on time, and complete with POD. What the European Space Agency doesn’t know is that we’re charging them extra for the oversize nature of the delivery. Weightless my foot.

Stump the Band

 Last month, we asked who the first female general officer in the U.S. Army was Answer: Anna Mae Hays.

 T-Shirt Question

 From where do long period comets originate? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 11 November 2014

Thank You Much

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our customers! We especially want to give heartfelt expressions of gratitude to everyone for having made the more than 25 years in the courier business fun, challenging, and one heck of a ride. So, give yourself another heaping serving of stuffing, and remember to give the messenger some cranberry sauce or a drumstick when you see him.

Remembering Vets

November 11th is Veterans’ Day, and given the number of crises our armed forces have responded to in the last 20 or so years, they definitely deserve to be remembered. Breakaway honors all those who fight for our country.

Same Day Hooray 

One of the new catch phrases you here a lot now is “same-day delivery.” Sounds great, and we’re glad everyone is catching on to it, but we’re not that impressed. We’ve been at it for almost 30 years.

 Hiring Bias

We hire a lot of people from many walks of life, as well as other species, but we want to reassure all our customers: we do not hire turtles. You’re welcome.

 Ramping Up Early

It’s only barely November, but already we can see signs of the impending holiday season. People are starting to ramp up their orders in anticipation of holiday madness, when all semblance of sanity goes up in a credit card-fueled puff of smoke. This holiday season, be sure to put orders in early, and with some thought to the craziness that will be the city streets. You’ve been warned.

Color Scheme

 The fall foliage is changing the color of the trees, so we decided to change our colors too. The walls at Breakaway HQ have been painted, to a color we’ve always used: a combination of blue and purple we like to call Breakaway Blurple. We especially like how it vibrates against the gray.

Say the Way to Pay

 Does your crazy neighbor keep stealing your mail, depriving you of our invoice and the newsletter? Well, fear not! You can have the invoice delivered to you electronically as a PDF. You can also pay your bill online, 24-7, with any major credit card. And you can read the newsletter on our website at www.breakawaycourier.com/news-and-blog/. The modern world is good for some things.

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked who the former owner of the High Line Park was. Answer: New York Central Railroad.

 T-Shirt Question

Who was the first woman to ever become a general officer in the US Army? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 10 October 2014

All Hallows 

It’s that time of year, when ghastly pint-sized ghouls and goblins come knocking at your door, looking for some scary, tasty morsels to rot their teeth. That means, of course, that you’ll need lots of sweets on hand! We wish all of our customers a safe and happy Halloween, and remember; we can deliver your bags of sugar rush right to your door.

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah 

With the recent talk of an aerial gondola connecting Brooklyn and Manhattan, we got to thinking:  maybe getting from place to place via skyway is not such a fanciful idea.  What about ziplines between buildings?  You could start out in midtown and zip your way from the Empire State Building right on down to Wall Street faster than a Breakaway messenger!

    High Life Line 

Breakaway customer Friends of the High Line, and the rest of the city, have reason to celebrate: the third, and final, phase of the High Line is complete! The High Line elevated park’s northern terminus is now at 34th street, across the street from the Javits Center. It’s also the only non-elevated entry into the park. It’s great for us; our offices are right near there. Join us there for lunch?

 T-Shirt Hunt

 Breakaway couriers are required to wear our logoed t-shirts, jackets and other gear, but occasionally we catch one or two of them out of uniform. If you spot one of our couriers with Breakaway gear, give us a call. If the messenger was indeed out of uniform, you’ll win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt of your own!

Leaf Peeping

 The air is turning crisper and cooler, and that means that fall has arrived. It also means that trees all throughout the northeast are going to start the landscape into a canvas of fiery colors. Get out there and ogle the falling leaves. We fully intend to.

 Logical Logistics 

Recently, our logistics and trucking department helped many customers through their Fashion Week challenges.  For example: six customers needed help with setting up at the Javits Center over one weekend, and we had six vans waiting there for them to provide all the logistical support needed for them to have successful showings. Call our logistics department and find out what we can make easy for you? 

 Stump the Band 

Last month, we asked what the biblical names of Rosh Hashanah are. Answer: Day of Remembrance or the Day of the Sounding of the Shofar (Ram’s Horn).

 T-Shirt Question 

Today it’s a beautiful park but what entity was the former owner of what is now the High Line Park? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt. 

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 9 September 2014

Labor of Love

 As we mentioned last newsletter, Labor Day came early this year, so we hope you all enjoyed the last long weekend of summer.  We especially want to wish a belated happy Labor Day to a very special group: our couriers. They labor all day long, cruising the mean streets, making sure your order gets there on time.

 Happy New Year

 "Shanah Tovah" to all our friends and customers who will be celebrating Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.  This year, Rosh Hashanah starts of the evening of September 24th and ends on the evening of September 26th , late in the month, but just in time for a needed break from school.

 Summer Bummer 

Of course, the early Labor Day heralds the return of the little ones to school, much to the chagrin of children the country over, as well as to the delight of their parents. Did you remember to get all of the requisite back to school items? If not, don’t forget, that Breakaway can pick up everything the tykes possibly need, from pencils to desks. The only thing we cannot pick up for them is the desire to go back to school.

Fee Fi Fo Future 

Communications and technology continue to evolve as we inexorably move into the future. Part of that innovation is Wi-Fi. Not to be confused with HiFi. Or Sci Fi. And definitely not with Muay Thai. And definitely not Defy. Okay … what
 were we just talking about?

  Night and Day

The autumnal equinox – the official start of fall – arrives on Monday, September 22 at 10:29 PM EDT. Enjoy the daylight while it lasts.
 

Not Fashionably Late 

Another huge event in September, aside from back to school, is, of course, Fashion Week. This month, the city’s well heeled and the fashionably appointed will be either gawking at the runway or strutting their stuff on it. While some in these rarified circles may run fashionably late, our couriers won’t, and never will. They’re all fashionably on time.
 

 Calling All Salesmen

Congratulations to our sales team, Larry Choiniere and Jimmy Kaplow on their new glass office space. Now they too can experience all the joys that goldfish do! Please, call them in the glass room for sales referrals at 646-674-8326. Or, call them just to say hello. They love to talk. 

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked what creature has the highest metabolism of any homeothermic animal. Answer: the hummingbird.
 

 T-Shirt Question

 It’s called Rosh Hashanah today, but what are the true biblical names of the holiday of the Jewish New Year? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt. Hint: There are two different names.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 8 August 2014

Labor’s Lost

 Yeah, we know, it’s August. It’s officially the last month of summer, and the time to get in that beach tan is getting short. It’s actually shorter than it oughta be; Labor Day is coming right on September 1st, which is way early. Speaking for summer lovers everywhere, we object! We’re convinced that it’s a conspiracy! The man is trying to make us work more! We’re going to write our congressman about this, be sure!

 Tour de Force

 Congratulations to Vincenzo Nibali for winning this year’s Tour de France. It was a good Tour this year, albeit a bit boring. More congratulations go to Germany for their win in the World Cup. There was also a tennis match happening somewhere in England we think, but with the Tour and World Cup on, nobody really knows who won that.

   Veteran

 This month, we’re taking the time to recognize a true Breakaway stalwart, Guillermo Arroyave. Guillermo is more than just an employee, he’s Breakaway’s secret weapon. Since 1996, Guillermo has been keeping the office clean and neat and running. He’s done tons of thankless jobs here in our digs, and he’s done it all with a smile. So, thanks, Guillermo!

Job Openings

 Well, our stable of disgraced pols and public figures keeps growing. News reports about Cuomo abruptly shutting down an anti-corruption committee hints at the possibility of the Governor leaving office in disgrace. Well, he’s welcome to fill out an application here at Breakaway. We have Spitzer’s rusty old bicycle to use, if he needs.

What Size?

 Breakaway started life as a bicycle courier company. That’s still the heart and soul of the company, but, in the years since, we’ve also grown a fleet of vehicles, to handle the loads that would flatten a cyclist if he picked it up. So, choose your delivery method:  we have fleet-footed walkers, cargo bikes, cars, vans, box trucks, even large lift-gates and refrigerated vehicles. No job too big, nor too small.

App Flap

It’s out there. Waiting. No, not the car from Dial 7. It’s the Breakaway app, which you can download from our website, or by searching for hyperSHIP on Google Play, or in the App Store. The app enables you to order deliveries and track packages from anywhere using your smart phone. So, what are you waiting for? The Breakaway app is calling you.

Stump the Band

 Last month, we asked what creatures are variously known as half-lop, lop, or uppy-eared. Answer: rabbits. They terms refer to whether the rabbit in question has both ears up, down, or one up and one down.

 T-Shirt Question

What creature has the highest metabolism of any homeothermic animal? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 7 July 2014

Villain Foiled! 

Technology is so cool sometimes. Courier D963 had his tablet stolen from a Manhattan public restroom. Fortunately, his tablet was loaded with Breakaway’s mobile app.  Back at the office, our Dispatchers created a task force, working together to trace the perpetrator using our map program. The thief was followed from Worth Street all the way to Liberty Street & Broadway. When our messenger finally caught up to “Sticky Fingers,” he tried to deny that he was hiding the tablet. So we sent a pickup order to the tablet and it rang! Busted! Defeated, “Sticky Fingers” returned the tablet to our victorious courier.

 Insert Segue Here 

Speaking of the Mobile App, you can use it to place an order from anywhere, any time. Case in point: we got on the bus back home when we realized that we’d forgotten our keys. We used our Breakaway app  to place an order from the bus, and the keys beat us home! Download “hyperSHIP” from Google Play or the Apple app store. 

Soccer Slowdown 

We’ve noticed a distinct drop in business during the two hours when any World Cup match is played. Coincidentally, the neighborhood watering holes seem to have a concurrent rise in business.  What could be causing this phenomenon? 

Seeing Jaune 

Yet again, it’s July, which means fireworks, barbecues (see below) and the Tour de France! Naturally, we’re big fans over here, but this year, the greatest cycling race in history faces stiff competition from the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. The heads of international sports fans must be spinning by now!

 Happy Fourth

The day is coming for fireworks, barbecues, and celebrating all the things that make these United States great. Breakaway wants to wish all our customers a happy and safe Fourth of July weekend. Didn’t get the hibachi you needed for the barbecue? Give us a call (or place your order by mobile app) and let us deliver it for you.

     Episodic Melodic

 Is this another newsletter? Or is this another installment in the continuing saga of, “As the Bicycle Wheel Turns?” It could be; we’re all dramatic enough! Don’t believe us? Try watching a few episodes of “Triple Rush” on the Travel Channel online to see for yourself.

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked what the colors in the Gay Pride flag stand for. Answer: Pink: sexuality; red: life; orange: healing; yellow: sunlight; green: nature; turquoise: magic/art; indigo/blue: serenity/harmony; violet: spirit.

 T-Shirt Question

 In the world these creatures inhabit, they are known variously as half-lop, lop, or uppy-eared. What are we referring to? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 6 June 2014

Make Tracks

As of this writing, 75% of our couriers have updated to our mobile app, Hypership, and can now be tracked via GPS. We’re hoping to get 100% of our couriers on the system within the next 90 days. Of course, this may exclude the 5% of our crew who are Luddites, and won’t part with their pagers, first gen Nokias, and tin cans and strings.

  Hyperbole

Speaking of Hypership, version 1.56 is now available for download at Google Play or the iTunes Store. It’s been updated to address a variety of issues, and has new features, including being able to track your item via GPS. Visit our website (breakawaycourier.com) to download the app for iPhone or Android.

  Memories

This month, we’ll celebrate Breakaway’s 26th anniversary.   It’s a far different world than it was all those years ago, when we started in a one-room office down in Chinatown! Thank you to all our customers who have made this a fun and memorable business, career, and life.

Go Blueshirts!

We were just getting ready to put this issue of Breakaway News to bed when we learned that the New York Rangers would be going head-to -head with the L.A. Kings for the Stanley Cup. It’s been 20 years since they’ve been in the championships (their 1994 victory over the Vancouver Canucks broke a 54-year losing streak).  Congratulations to the Rangers, let’s go get that Cup!

 Father’s Day

 May was Mom’s month, and of course, ladies are first, but now that special day is coming up for the other half of the duo that brought you into existence: your dad. Undoubtedly, it will be a more “manly” affair marked with barbecues and bad ties, but we still want to wish a happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Call us and we’ll deliver the hibachi.

Pride in the City

June has been officially declared LGBT Pride month by President Obama, and if one thing is certain, this city has the wackiest, noisiest, most colorful pride parade going! Happy Pride Month to all our customers who are celebrating.

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked what was always held on the first Saturday of May since 1875. We also hinted that it was down south. Answer: The Kentucky Derby.

T-Shirt Question

It’ll be displayed prominently during June, but what do the colors of the rainbow flag actually represent? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 5 May 2014

May Flowers

They say that April showers bring May flowers. What did it bring us in the burg? A lot of post-winter cold that we could do without! Our couriers are totally confused as to what to wear! But, they still look stylish, even if they are cold, wet, and freezing to death.

  Rolled Out

GPS tracking is now available on almost all of our couriers! We recently deployed tablets to all of our messengers, enabling them to work smarter, and for us, and you, to track them online. Now, you don’t have to call to find out where a messenger is, you can go onto breakawaycourier.com and see! We have seen Big Brother, and he is us.

 Memorial Day

Memorial Day is May 26th, so let’s all take a break from our cookouts and beach vacations to remember and thank all those who made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom.   

Pay Up!

How often does this happen? You wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, panic stricken, with the realization that you haven’t paid your Breakaway bill. What? It never happens? Well, if it does, you can pay your bill online, day or night, 24/7!
Visit breakawaycourier.com to give it a try.

 Bulking Up

 Are you the type of person that is so hyper-organized, that you put Brother P-touch labels on everything? Alphabetize your pastas? Love spreadsheets? Then bulk ordering is for you. If you have more than 10 items going out, simply e-mail us a spreadsheet of where they’re all going, and we’ll take it from there. One more way Breakaway excels! Get it…excel…

Mother’s Day

You know Mom was there for you all the time, from skinned knees to disappointing dates, to bringing your laundry home for her to do while you were at college. Come to think of it, why couldn’t you do your own laundry?! Anyway, the point is that Mom’s special day is coming, and you should call her. Or, use Breakaway to send her a lovely gift. Do not call us to send her more of your laundry

Muchas Fiestas!

It wouldn’t be May in Gotham without that most American of holidays, Cinco de Mayo. The date when native Mexicans defeated French invaders at the Battle of Puebla is celebrated here because…um…well, to drink obviously! Have a wonderful Cinco de Mayo, and be careful with your poison of choice.

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked what it was that the Dutch had done to soup up a bicycle to make it faster. Answer: The Whike, a tricycle that is coupled with a sail and which can do 50 mph on the flat roads of Holland.

T-Shirt Question

 It’s always on the first Saturday in May, and has been held down south since 1875. What is it? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 4 April 2014

Happy Easter

 It’s time to break out the Easter bonnets, get ready to dye and hide some eggs, and perhaps enjoy a choral work or two. Easter falls on the 20th this month, and we wish all our customers a Happy Easter Sunday.

   Nothing Doing

This is Breakaway’s paragraph about nothing! How many different ways can you express nothing? As in zero, nada, nil, nunca, zilch, bupkus, a big ol’ goose egg, naught, and, finally, good ol’ fashioned squat.

   Fool Me Once…

This month is also the month for hijinks, practical jokes, and all sorts of crazy shenanigans. If you’re the office’s resident jokester, and you find yourself low on whoopee cushions and joy buzzers, be sure to call Breakaway. We can deliver all the items you need to keep yourself the office cut-up. Just don’t blame us if you get fired.

 Our New Racer

 Breakaway hires a lot of couriers from the west coast of Africa, but few go on to do what   M524, Nun Manhe, is doing. He just got his bicycle racing license, and he’s training hard every morning. His first scheduled race is on April 5th. Good luck!

That’s Cheating!

 We are big fans of the CitiBike program in NYC. Now, one crazy startup has created an electric motor that can attach to a CitiBike for those less inclined to pedal. The Shareroller will weigh about 7 lbs., and will ease the strain of pedaling. Only problem; it’s illegal, as the city outlawed electric bicycles. It’s also cheating, you have to carry it with you, and it identifies you as a big wussy.

 App-arently Works!

  More and more, apps seem to be the way people do things in this world. Now, we’re getting    in on the act. Download the hyperSHIP app from the Google Play or iTunes store, enter the  code, “bway,” and then use your existing online log-in. It’s that easy. Online, and now on your  smart phone; Breakaway is everywhere!

 From the Field

 Breakaway managing editor and Newsletter writer has been writing this edition  from the Island of Enchantment, Puerto Rico. He informs us that the weather is fantastic, that there is no snow anywhere, and that the temperature has been a consistent 70 – 80 degrees. Naturally, he’s going to be our first April Fool’s victim when he gets back.

 Stump the Band

Last month, we asked how the Moscow metro was honoring the Sochi Olympic games. Answer: They would let you ride the metro free, if you could perform thirty squats.

 T-Shirt Question

 People have often souped bicycles up with things to make them faster, but the Dutch came up with an original one recently. What is it? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.