Breakaway News Volume 20 Issue No. 8 August 2015

Permanent Press

Does your company do mass press distributions? Are you the one putting together the swag bags that need to be send out all over the city?  We can help!  For any delivery of more than 10 stops, just e-mail us a spreadsheet and we’ll take care of the rest. Learn more at breakawaycourier.com/bulk-deliveries/ We can even help stuff the goody bags! 

Feelin’ Hot, Hot, Hot

They call them the Dog Days of summer, originally because of the sunrise appearance of Sirius, the Dog Star. Now they’re just the hottest time of year, when many flee to the beach and we all move just a little more slowly. Except, of course, for our ever-so-speedy Breakaway messengers.  So if you’re stuck in the office on a summer Friday afternoon and need a package delivered ASAP, we’ve got you covered.

Bike Hike - We Like

 Citi Bike has announced that August 10th will be the date for its long-awaited expansion. Williamsburg,   Greenpoint and Long Island City will get 91 docking stations this summer, finally bringing bike sharing to the outer boroughs. Next up is a more ambitious, and perhaps contentious, expansion into the Upper West and East Sides. Stay tuned.

  Super Duper Rush

We knew he was fast, but we didn’t know he was that fast! Messenger T1000, who went by the name New Horizons, heard that NASA wanted to fly by Pluto. So, he convinced them to give us the job, and he jumped on his ride and took off. Literally! He’s currently speeding by Pluto at 30,000 mph. We crunched the numbers, and that means that when he gets back, he can deliver from midtown to Wall Street in 0.5 seconds. Speedy!

Chris Vroooom!! 

Cheerio and pip pip and all that! I know, we said that last month, but we get to say it again to congratulate Chris Froome of Great Britain, the winner of the 2015 Tour de France. This is his second Tour victory.  For those counting, the Brits have now won three of the last four Tours de France. Rule Britannia!

 Elevator Talk

“Oh, did you see that fight on Twitter between Ashley and Chloe?! Wasn’t that ridiculous?!” #likegagmewithaspoon.
Just another one of the titillating conversations overheard by our messengers every day.

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked what celestial phenomena was seen July 4th. Answer: Perhaps the ultimate in fireworks, SN 1054, a supernova, was recorded by Chinese and Arabic astronomers on July 4 in the year 1054. Its remnant forms the Crab Nebula.

 T-Shirt Question

 The dog days of summer occur during August, as do meteor showers. What was the month originally called? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 7 July 2015

Happy Fourth!
Happy Independence Day to all of our customers! It was on July 4 that the Declaration of Independence was formally adopted by the Second Continental Congress.  It also means fireworks and barbecues! If you need fix in’s for the Fourth, be sure to call us and please, enjoy the holiday safely and responsibly.

 Bulk Force
Does your company move a lot of items? Are you a wiz at Excel? Do you hate sending one item at a time? We have the perfect solution – bulk delivery! For deliveries with at least 10 stops, you can put all of your information on a spreadsheet and e-mail it to us. You can even download a template from our website breakawaycourier.com/bulk-deliveries/

Ride, King James!
We know LeBron James jams and rules on the hardwood, but did you know that he partly attributes that to his bicycle? King James apparently rides to his Cavaliers home games and practices, claiming that it helps him stay in top physical condition.  No wonder he’s such a champ – he’s a biker!

 The Real Tour
  It’s July, and that means it’s time for 3 weeks of televised cycling: the Tour de France! Contador may try and continue his dominance, but may not be able to with a competitive field. Can an American win it again? Stay tuned!

On Demand
Have papers to file? Groceries that need to get delivered? A finicky cat that needs company? Just call us and ask for a messenger-on-demand. Our courier can be your guy/gal Friday any day of the week. Call for details.

England Edition
Cheerio and pip pip and all that! This edition of the newsletter is being crafted over in jolly old England, as we are on vacation this week.  We find it quite salubrious indeed to write the newsletter while having a pint in the pub! Now, off to have a spot of tea and catch up on the cricket.

(Waiting) On The 7…
We’ve been waiting and waiting, and it’s been pushed back and pushed back, but it looks like the 7 subway line extension is finally going to happen. Originally scheduled to launch in June 2014, the elusive beast seemed doomed to suffer the fate of the fabled 2nd Avenue subway (in the works since 1929). The official start is now slated for October 2015, with a stop just steps away from Breakaway World Headquarters. 

Stump the Band
Last month we asked what a “nail house” was. Answer: A “nail house” is a lone home that is holding out against a larger development. The term originated in China. 

T-Shirt Question
 It happened on July 4th, was seen worldwide, and it created a celestial phenomena. What  was it? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T- shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 6 June 2015

Happy Father’s Day
Last month, it was your mom, but it took two people to bring you into this world, and now it’s the other party’s turn. This June 21st, we want to wish all Dads out there a wonderful, relaxed Father’s Day. Planning a barbecue? Call us and we’ll help deliver the fixin’s!

Toothy
Another of those, “They can send a man to the moon…” type stories. This one a bit closer to home! While having lunch before writing this newsletter, our filling fell out. They can send a man to the moon, but can’t make a filling that lasts?! Get us some crazy glue, stat.

 Expanding Citi
The CitiBike program has become a big success. Lots of people have availed themselves of the Citi bikes to travel short distances. Now, Citi Bike is expanding into the Upper West Side, and will be bringing 39 new docking stations to areas from west 63rd street to 107th street. Details still need to be ironed out, but we look forward to more people discovering the joy of cycling through Citi Bike.

 The Other Tour
  Congratulations to Alberto Contador, the winner of last month’s Giro d’Italia, the other grand   tour race aside from the Tour de France. Contador held on to win in the last days in    convincing fashion, and now has sights set on the other-other Tour.

On Demand
Have papers to file? Groceries that need to get delivered? A finicky cat that needs sitting? You can call us and ask for a messenger-on-demand. Our courier can be your guy/gal Friday for the day or the week. Call for details.

 Cooool Trucking
It’s been an open secret for some time now that we have vans and trucks available for the big jobs. But did you know that we also have refrigerator trucks? If you have perishables that need to get somewhere while keeping their cool, give us a call and we’ll provide the chilliest of rides.
 

Work Force
A new British study found that the average office worker spends 36 days per year answering e-mails, not all of which are job related. It also found that a great deal of time at the office was spent doing trivial things, rather than actually working. Not our couriers, though. You can be sure that our guys are working hard to get your items delivered on time.

 Stump the Band
 Last month we asked what the toppings on a Margherita pizza signify. Answer: The toppings  reflect the colors of the Italian flag: green, white, and red.

 T-Shirt Question
 What is a “nail house?” The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a  coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 5 May 2015

Happy Mother’s Day
She washed your clothes, changed your diapers, and kissed your boo-boos, so now, it’s your turn to show how much mom means to you. Mother’s Day arrives May 10th, so you don’t have a lot of time! Be sure to call Breakaway to get that gift to her fast, and of course, we wish all our mom customers out there the happiest of all days.

Phone-to-Face
Quote of the day during a recent online meeting at Breakaway with a remote working co-worker: “Stop looking at me!” Stupid remote viewing technology.

Hyper Couriers
If you’re ever out on the street, and realized that the package you were supposed to send is still sitting in the office, fear not! Use Breakaway’s mobile app from any smartphone to have that package picked up and never miss a beat. Visit breakawaycourier.com to download the app for iPhone and Android.

 The Race is On
  It’s official. Decision 2016 has lifted off with Hilary Clinton stumping for the Democratic        nomination, and 50,000 candidates gunning for the Republican side. It could be a crowded    race. Since it’s a race, we’re thinking of entering the Breakaway Race team.  They’ll clean up  with ease!

Ooh La La!
Très bien! Breakaway has two interns from France working in the office for a few weeks. We’ve extended them a warm bienvenue, but sadly, no wine with your deliveries.

 Wily in New York
A coyote that recently moved into Battery Park City led police on a long chase before finally being corralled and given some high quality tranquilizers. If you look closely, you can see the word “ACME” on the little handcuffs and cage the police used for him.

Un-tappable Privacy
Orwell didn’t know. Even though he wrote the police state classic, “1984” he couldn’t have foreseen one thing; that people, to a certain degree, want to share about themselves. Hence, the explosion of social media. If you truly want a secure transaction, call us up to deliver your package. We promise no one will know.

 Stump the Band
  Last month we asked what unique venue hosts the “Hell of the North” Paris-Roubaix.        Answer: the event finishes in a velodrome within the city of Roubaix. 

T-Shirt Question
Why does the Margherita pizza have the toppings it does? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 4 April 2015

April News

Breakaway Courier has been bought. A large global leader in delivery services has bought the company and has brought us into their fold. We will now only be delivering fresh fish and select cuts of meat, as per our new company’s business plan. Oh, and April Fools!! You can, of course, still call us with whatever delivery you have. We just couldn’t resist.

April Holidays

This April, Passover starts on the evening of April 3rd, while Easter falls on April 5th. We want to wish a Happy Passover and Happy Easter to all our clients observing these important holidays.

Tax Man Cometh

We urged you to get it done early last month, but if you haven’t, remember that the tax deadline is April 15 - and that’s not too far away! Call your accountant, get your papers together, and call Breakaway to have us deliver them all on time!

 For Safety’s Sake

The news that San Francisco 49er Chris Borland is leaving the NFL at the age of 24 has jolted many in the football world. His concerns over chronic traumatic encephalopathy eventually convinced him to do the right thing and start working for Breakaway. He has opted for the cargo bicycle, as our other former NFL stars have, because it’s more challenging to his strength and size. Good luck out there, Chris!

Order! Order! 

Aside from online bill paying, you can also order your delivery online. It’s fast, easy, and gives you another excuse to sit in front of the computer, other than playing Minecraft. Give it a try. Our messengers are more appealing than online Legos, anyway.

Home on the Range

Tesla’s Elon Musk has said that all Tesla Model S electric cars will receive an over-the-air software update to alleviate “range anxiety.” First, you had cell range anxiety, now it’s your car. Of course, our messengers have unlimited range. So long as there’s a Chipotle or pizza joint nearby, they can keep going and going and going…

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked the name of the woman who ran a speakeasy on West 54 Street and was among the first female emcees. Answer: Mary Louise Cecilia “Texas” Guinan.

 T-Shirt Question

 Called the “Queen of the Classics” and the “Hell of the North,” Paris-Roubaix is a monument in the cycling calendar. In what unique venue does this hellish race end? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 3 March 2015

Savage February 

This February saw a lot of weather records broken. Some seriously cold temperatures were recorded in the Northeast, and there was heck of a lot of snowfall as well. And, while the Snowpocalypse didn’t engulf New York City, Boston got socked hard. So, where is global warming? Last we saw, it was hanging out in Macy’s buying a winter coat. 

Mad Mad World 

It’s time for March Madness, that time of year when many people across the country lose their minds and stare at screens and monitors, avidly following the exploits of college hoopsters. We will also, but we’ll also be keeping an eye on the delivery monitors, because madness or not, we’ve got deliveries to do! 

Friendly Reminder 

It isn’t here yet, but it’s not too far away. Alas, no, not the electric car. We’re talking about April 15th, the tax deadline. Remember to get your taxes done early, and to use Breakaway to send them in to the IRS. Don’t say we didn’t remind you! 

On Demand 

It’s not often thought of, because we’re a courier company, and people think messengers are only for point-to-point. But, our guys do more than just deliver. Hire one for the day, and they’ll file, walk the dog, alphabetize your album collection, whatever you need a guy/gal Friday for. 

Not Logical 

Farewell to a beloved figure of our youth, Leonard Nimoy. The man who made logic cool and was probably responsible for more sprained fingers than anyone (we hurt ourselves trying that Vulcan salute!). Live long and prosper, Mr. Spock.

HTTP plus S: 

As readers of the Newsletter know, we occasionally tout the benefits of paying your invoice online. You can do it at all hours of the day, any day, and it’s very convenient. When you click “Log In” you’ll be taken to the httpS server. The “S” is for secure, safe, sanctuary, secretive, salubrious, satisfying…we could go on but you get the idea. 

 Socially Acceptable 

There’s a lot of talk going around about socialized medicine, but honestly, we here think most people don’t know what that really means. “Socialized” medicine is medicine that spreads the risk out over a vast population. The only people that don’t need to think about risk are folks without a pulse.  

Stump the Band 

Last month we asked what art form Langston Hughes was an early exponent of as well as an innovator. Answer: Langston Hughes was a leading writer of what is known as jazz poetry.

T-Shirt Question 

Among the first ever female emcees, who ran a speakeasy on west 54th in Manhattan and often addressed customers as “suckers?” The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 2 February 2015

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s in the air…can you smell it? No, not the falafel from the Halal Guys’ food cart. It’s love we’re talking about, because it’s February and that means St. Valentine’s Day. If you’re a late Lothario or a recalcitrant Romeo, don’t worry. You can have your hastily bought chocolates sent via Breakaway Courier.

Online Bill Pay

 It’s the middle of the night, and you’re up late, unable to sleep. Don’t waste that time doing meaningless YouTube searches. Head over to our https server and pay your bill online. Day or night, you can take care of your invoice electronically and conveniently, and then go back to looking up cat videos. We know, we love them too.

Retrograde World

Peggy, our office maven and newsletter polisher, tells us that this month Mercury is in retrograde. Astrologically, this means that communications are messed up and messages go awry. Rest assured that even if that e-mail disappears into digital ether and the letter vanishes in the post, our couriers never get lost, go retrograde, or go astrologically wonky.

  Super Bowl

Congratulations to our Boston office and all the denizens of New England, for the Patriots’ fourth Super Bowl win.  A great game by all accounts, with nary a thought of those flexible footballs.  Hopefully our friends up in Boston can get all that snow cleared away in time for a victory parade!

Blaz Blizzard Blues 

Well, the big blizzard of January came and went, and we’re underwhelmed. Starting out with the potential to be   “one of the biggest in history,” the storm turned out to be a big flop. With such dire predictions, our mayor was all but forced to hit the panic button. What do you call a de Blasio blizzard? A dusting.  What do you call a de Blasio coffee? Water. We’ve got a million of ‘em. 

 Man, That’s Cold

If you have a large order going out that’s perishable, fret no more. You can send it via our new refrigerated truck. It’s bigger, better and roomier,  has a lift-gate, and it has delivered 250 lbs. rolls of the finest French cheese from only the finest French cows. C’est magnifique! 

Stump the Band 

Last month, we wanted to know who opened the GPS system to civilian use. Answer: Ronald Reagan, by executive order. 

T-Shirt Question 

February 1st is the birthday of Langston Hughes. Of what art form was Hughes an early exponent we well as innovator of? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 1 January 2015

Happy New Year!
A very Happy New Year to all of our customers! We hope that everybody out there had a safe and cheerful New Year’s Eve, and that everyone kept the drunken brawling to a minimum. We at Breakaway celebrated the way we always do; by figuring out new routes for deliveries and riding on the rollers. We know, we know, we’re wild and crazy.

 A Day for a King
This January 19th is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a day reserved not only to acknowledge the accomplishments of the civil rights leader, but also a national day of civic action and volunteer service.

 Electric Boogie
They still haven’t quite caught on yet, but electric cars have come a long way since the days of GM’s EV-1. Tesla Motors has now unveiled a real advancement for the technology; the Model S sedan can now do 0-60 in under 4.5 seconds, faster than a Porsche 911 Carrera. Stick that in your exhaust pipe! 

Non-Digital
Texting has become an essential part of communicating in the modern era, but of course, it requires the use of both our hands, which can be a pain in the rear. We decided to see if we could solve the problem by texting with our nose. Needs work. Same for using our toes.
 

Expanding Fleet
While they aren’t the Tesla Model S, we did take possession recently of two sleek new vehicles that came all the way from Denmark. They are our new cargo bicycles, and we’ve already given them a shakedown run and are putting them to work. Now you can ship all of twenty of those throw pillows without fear.

Online Divine
We know that many of you out there are Luddites, and just won’t give up your typewriters and rotary phones no matter what. Be that as it may, we urge you to try electronic invoicing. It saves paper, which saves trees, and makes you feel warm and fuzzy. And, if you’re worried about losing the newsletter, fear not; it’s posted right there on our website.

A Touch Late
Orwell predicted that in 1984 we’d all be living in a state where all of our movements, actions, and whereabouts were monitored. What he didn’t predict is how much we’d all enjoy it and come to rely on it. 2015 is the year of ubiquitous GPS, and now you too can play the part of Big Brother by tracking the progress of your package online. Hey, it beats playing Minesweeper. 

Stump the Band
Last month, we asked where long period comets originate from. Answer: Long period comets come from the Oort Cloud.

T-Shirt Question
Originally for military use, who opened up GPS to civilians as a common good? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 12 December 2014

Xmas Cheer

Happy Holidays to all of our customers! During this time of holiday cheer, take a moment to remember all those out there, especially our messengers, who are freezing their tails off! Even so, they’re all happy to spread the spirit of the season, so please offer them some warm egg nog or something.

Spreading Cheer

 We know how much you like to shop for family during the holidays. If you have more than 10 deliveries to make, consider sending us a spreadsheet. You can find the template on our website at www.breakawaycourier.com/bulk-deliveries. That way, you can save time, and don’t have to repeat your order if you’re interrupted on the phone.

Tabling  

A lot of stories at Breakaway don’t get used, and so we wind up tabling a lot of them. Resultantly, we have a pile of stories on the table, and what we’ve decided is that we need a bigger table. So come and read our table. There’s great stuff on it.

 Not Brain Food

 When writing, or involved in any mental effort, the brain needs glucose in order to process and organize information. There are right and wrong ways to go about this, and for this newsletter, we ordered a black and white cookie, which is the totally wrong way of going about this! We can feel the sugar-induced ADHD kicking in right now!

Heroics

 Here at Breakaway, there occasionally is a story of incredible originality, perspicacity, and gumption in the delivery of packages for our customers. We had a great story ready to go for this newsletter, but we forgot what it was, what with all the phone calls and taking orders, and fielding questions and stuff. You’ll just have to imagine what it was but take our word for it, it was incredible.

Major Tom-foolery

 As you may have heard, the robotic lander Philae landed successfully on comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko, a stunning accomplishment. What you may not know, is that we delivered it, on time, and complete with POD. What the European Space Agency doesn’t know is that we’re charging them extra for the oversize nature of the delivery. Weightless my foot.

Stump the Band

 Last month, we asked who the first female general officer in the U.S. Army was Answer: Anna Mae Hays.

 T-Shirt Question

 From where do long period comets originate? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 11 November 2014

Thank You Much

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our customers! We especially want to give heartfelt expressions of gratitude to everyone for having made the more than 25 years in the courier business fun, challenging, and one heck of a ride. So, give yourself another heaping serving of stuffing, and remember to give the messenger some cranberry sauce or a drumstick when you see him.

Remembering Vets

November 11th is Veterans’ Day, and given the number of crises our armed forces have responded to in the last 20 or so years, they definitely deserve to be remembered. Breakaway honors all those who fight for our country.

Same Day Hooray 

One of the new catch phrases you here a lot now is “same-day delivery.” Sounds great, and we’re glad everyone is catching on to it, but we’re not that impressed. We’ve been at it for almost 30 years.

 Hiring Bias

We hire a lot of people from many walks of life, as well as other species, but we want to reassure all our customers: we do not hire turtles. You’re welcome.

 Ramping Up Early

It’s only barely November, but already we can see signs of the impending holiday season. People are starting to ramp up their orders in anticipation of holiday madness, when all semblance of sanity goes up in a credit card-fueled puff of smoke. This holiday season, be sure to put orders in early, and with some thought to the craziness that will be the city streets. You’ve been warned.

Color Scheme

 The fall foliage is changing the color of the trees, so we decided to change our colors too. The walls at Breakaway HQ have been painted, to a color we’ve always used: a combination of blue and purple we like to call Breakaway Blurple. We especially like how it vibrates against the gray.

Say the Way to Pay

 Does your crazy neighbor keep stealing your mail, depriving you of our invoice and the newsletter? Well, fear not! You can have the invoice delivered to you electronically as a PDF. You can also pay your bill online, 24-7, with any major credit card. And you can read the newsletter on our website at www.breakawaycourier.com/news-and-blog/. The modern world is good for some things.

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked who the former owner of the High Line Park was. Answer: New York Central Railroad.

 T-Shirt Question

Who was the first woman to ever become a general officer in the US Army? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.